Respecting Elders?

I had a peculiar experience a few months back. I've been wanting to write about it, but never got the time.

I had gone to a nice cake shop that I always go to. It was around 4.30-4.45 in the evening. There wasn't enough staff and a few customers were waiting to place their orders. I too was waiting patiently for my turn.

Just then an elderly lady walked in. She was very well-dressed, perfectly manicured and pedicured, wearing comfortable western wear, with a hint of mild makeup. She seemed a bit of a socialite, frankly.

The moment she entered, she blurted out her order to the first member of the staff that she laid her
eyes on. He just nodded to her and continued looking after the customers who had arrived before her. She just couldn't seem to have the patience to wait. She rudely kept on calling out her order till the staff had to tell her to wait.

She then said that the cake shop needed more staff, because they couldn't keep so many customers waiting. The staff member said that some of the other members had gone out for lunch. The old lady looked at her watch incredulously and wondered how could anybody have lunch that late.

By the time this conversation happened, my order was ready. I paid and left the shop. I don't know how soon she got her order. However it made me think.

I just could not respect that lady despite her age. She was extremely rude and inconsiderate. When I heard that some of the staff were having lunch that late, I felt very sorry for them. It was because of the customers that the staff couldn't have their lunch on time.

Instead of being accommodating, the old lady was disbelieving and rude. It hardly takes time to be generous to others. As you grow older, you learn to be less selfish and more gracious.

Can you respect the elderly even when they behave so meanly and selfishly?

Doing Those Things

I have again started following a couple of Marathi TV serials that are there on air. I like them. Both these, I wish I can follow everyday. But I know that is never going to happen. Firstly, I don't get to watch what I want on TV when I am home. And secondly, we usually don't reach home by the time the serials are shown. But both serials are good: उंच माझा झोका and एका लग्नाची दुसरी गोष्ट.

Both deal with different subjects, both are directed well, and the most important point is that they are not about the fighting, conniving, saas-bahu stupid themes.

Apart from that, I am also reading different types of books. If I am reading fiction at a point, I complete it and move on to something like autobiography or philosophy, or facts and mythology, or even something as simple as children's book. It's exciting.

And one thing I have done plenty is thinking, thinking, thinking. Speculating, rethinking, regarding, judging,  doubting, understanding, surmising, supposing, recalling, grasping, fathoming, realizing, theorizing, suspecting, concluding, hoping, awaiting, assuming, and getting exhausting doing all this.

That's how life is at the moment! 

Moving On

It's as difficult or as easy as you make it. Depends on how much you really want to move on. Be it in a job, be it on a personal front.

In a job, there could be several reasons for your moving out. One of the major reasons is that your lead or manager have been incapable of giving you the due and appreciating your hard work. When that happens, moving on is easier. Perhaps, it's difficult to leave behind your colleagues who have been very supportive throughout your tenure in that job. But after all, if you have no growth, you will find it easier to step out.

If money is the reason, then nothing easier than getting out. You are really not bothered about your friends or colleagues. Because, you can be in touch with them even after you are out of the company.

If it is because of some personal reason, it is kind of easier to get out. You know you have to take that step because there is no other option. Of course you'll miss your work there, the environment, friends, colleagues, atmosphere...everything. But all said and done, you have to move on. And that makes it easier to release all things bound to you for so long in that workplace.

But on a personal front...

Reasons are numerous, probably resolutions too. But if you are planning to move on from one phase to the other, there are so many things that you keep thinking about. Self-doubt, uncertainty, unknown future, sadness at leaving behind things, hope of a better future, indecision of what to leave behind and what to take, belief in self...all feelings, emotions are in a turmoil. The road is strewn with questions that seemingly don't have any answer.

There are people to support you, all family members, friends. But when you walk along that path, you are alone.

One question keeps coming to your mind constantly...is it all worth it?

On Watching Agneepath

...the new Agneepath, starring Hrithik Roshan.

It affected me in many different ways. We were around 10-12 minutes late for the movie. We missed the start. But I don't think that mattered much. I have not seen Amitabh Bachchan's movie and so this version was totally new for me.

The first thing that stuck me was the tremendous violence in the movie. It is downright nerve-wracking. I was on the edge of my seat and was not sure I had done the right thing by coming to watch the movie. The movie starts with violence where Vijay's father is murdered by Kancha, the main antagonist. It is an incident that drives the movie. It drives each and every move that Vijay makes. It sets a grim tone to the whole movie. There are almost no light moments; emotional, yes; but lighter moments...I really cannot remember.

Vijay's father, a school master had tried to oppose Kancha's dream of turning the village in a drug center by renting the lands of all villagers. Kancha successfully removes the thorn (Vijay's father) from his way, while the whole village celebrates that they can now freely help Kancha. Kancha lures them that their lands would be used for a salt factory and they would get money out of it. This grim victory is actually the downfall of the villagers. They win the battle of doing away with the schoolmaster and in turn lose the war of having a happy and prosperous village. They literally walk towards their downfall.

When Vijay's father is murdered, his heavily pregnant mother is shown being trampled at the feet of the angry village people. I was hoping that they wouldn't show her bleeding to death, and thank God, they didn't! Eventually, the mother and son escape to the big city and arrive in a basti. The mother goes into labour pains and a daughter is born.

Soon enough, Vijay-a boy of 12 years, witnesses a murder by Rauf Lala, and lies to the police about the murderer. Vijay  also murders the police officer who tries to get him tell the truth. His mother severs all her ties with the son and moves out of his life to lead a life of her own with her daughter. We now see a Vijay that's all grown up handsome and all with a girlfriend, who works as a mafia leader for Rauf Lala. Rauf is not just a drug mafia, but also a human trafficker.

As Hrithik Roshan entered as the older Vijay, I found it very similar to Fiza, a movie directed by Khalid Mohammed. Fiza is the story of how a sister seeks out to find her brother-a troubled boy who goes on to become a terrorist. Vijay in Agneepath too has had a disturbed childhood that has made him a violent mafia leader. I think I made that comparison more because Hrithik Roshan has played the troubled boy in both the movies.

I won't give away the whole story here. But what with songs in between, more murders, mass killings, double dealings, we are finally led to a climax, that's again a replication of what we saw in the beginning.

The once happy and prosperous village that Vijay and Kancha hailed from, has now turned into a barren land. Death, disease, poverty, unhappiness, and distress is what you see and it makes you feel all the more horrified and hollow.

At every violent, illegal, unhealthy event in the film, I was more and more engrossed with feelings of futility, hopelessness, dread, and loss.

What also aided these feelings was the tremendous background music given by Ajay-Atul, the Marathi composers, who have done a fantastic job. The tension, the evilness, the futility, the murderous villains, the dark atmosphere is all enhanced by the background score. It increases your heartbeats, it gives you the chills, it makes you all nervous. Salute to the two.

The duo have also provided the music to the songs in the movie. One particular song affected me in a totally different way. The song is "Abhi Mujh Mein Kahin" and shows how Vijay enjoys his time with his sister and girlfriend together. The lyrics are really nice and the song made me cry. The emotions of Vijay meeting his sister after 15 years, and how he had lived each unhappy day to enjoy this one happy day in his life resonated with me and brought out completely different feelings. I don't know why that happened. But I cried remembering my parents, how sometimes I miss them very much, how they miss me, how we are unable to be with each other in our moments of distress and happiness too. I thought how each day I hope to have them with me and meet them. I cannot describe all that I felt as I cried dearly. It was a very, very distressful moment for me. I miss my parents a lot. A lot.

My life has been so very different since my marriage. The song brought it all out. I was quite disturbed for that evening and night. The violence and this song of the movie have made a major impact on me.

Agneepath has really been a different experience for me. Unforgettable!

Responsible

When things do not work, I realise I am responsible for them. When I screw up things, I know I am responsible.

But when people don't behave well with me for no apparent reason, but just that I exist...even then am I responsible?

My one action can bring about so many changes. It has changed so many people, it has perhaps broken so many hearts...severed so many relations. Is it after all worth it? More than that...I shall always have this constant gnawing at my heart that it's all my doing.

But what really is the issue? I don't know. I cannot fathom. I cannot understand why it is so difficult to make the other person feel comfortable and loved in a group. I cannot understand why some have not bothered to include me in. Why do some people still prefer a ghetto? What's so disgusting, so bad about me that I get alienated?

Why do I not get enough power, recognition, freedom to do things? Why is everything so unhealthy? What have I done after all? I cannot understand. I cannot make head or tail of some situations.

But in all this, I do feel responsible for making a mess. Or perhaps starting a mess. It's going to be one scar, one guilty feeling that won't be ridden off.