Itni Si Khushi

I cannot believe that I haven't written a word since more than two years! It's not just saddening, but also downright depressing. Getting caught up in "life" and not dedicating time to one of my favourite things is eye-opening. I think I have been callous to just let go of this passion, and I want to remedy that. 

Here's me promising myself that I'll write more regularly.

This past weekend, I managed to find some time to relax and do what I love most — read. (What else!) It was because my daughter had a playdate with her best friend, busy doing whatever pre-teenagers do nowadays, and basically not bothering me the whole day.

I enjoyed the day reading and watching some TV, listening to all the screaming coming from the closed  door of my daughter's room. It reminded me of a scene in one of my favourite books, Hotshot Doc by R.S. Grey. It's when Bailey and Matt are in their room, listening to Bailey's sister, Josie, and her friends screaming in the living room. 

The book vividly describes a typical scene of school-going girls hanging out together and having a great time. For them, there are no worries outside that room, and no thoughts outside the very important discussions that they have. As I heard my daughter and her friend arguing and screaming, I could easily relate to that scene. It made me sigh in contentment and joy.

Joy that we as parents can give our kids such precious gifts of time and place to hang out with their friends without adult supervision.

Can you ever remember doing something like that when we were kids? Playing with friends behind closed doors was never even thought of, not because it was not allowed, but because there was never a designated "kids" room. There was always one or the other parent around; if not the parents, then the grandparents. Frankly, not being alone wasn't ever an issue. Like all kids, we were always in our world, unbothered by the spying eyes.

Nevertheless, I'm glad to give the time and place that today's kids need to be on their own and have fun. It doesn't mean that we aren't keeping tabs on what's really happening behind those closed doors. But a bit of privacy is good for everyone. :)

Review: The Golden Notebook

I admit, I took up the novel, The Golden Notebook only after reading about Doris Lessing's death. And I
have a feeling that that must have happened for such other writers too.

I started the 500 plus pages novel with some trepidation. It's been awarded the Nobel Award for Literature and I was sure it was going to be a bit deep and difficult to understand. I was also not sure how soon I would be able to complete it. Moreover, the synopsis promised to be intriguing and and frankly a bit tedious and complicated.

I had expected the novel to be a commentary on life, how people lived in the 1950s. And perhaps it is. But I just could not relate to it. Let me get into the details.

The story is about Anna Wulf. But the way the novel starts, I thought it was about Molly. It starts with Molly, her son Tommy, and her ex-husband Richard. The initial part is focused on these characters and it's only when Anna goes back home after visiting Molly (when the story begins) did I realize that it was Anna the protagonist, not Molly.

Anna is a single-novel writer whose first novel has earned tremendous success. She is living off the royalties of the book. She is a divorced single mother of a twelve year old girl, Janet. She has a huge flat and rents out the upper room to people. Ivor, Ronnie, and the last one Saul Green are a part of the story and affect Anna's live in a peculiar way.

The novel is divided in different parts called "The Notebooks" and "The Free Women". There's one part called "The Golden Notebook" about which I will try to talk about later. The "Notebook" parts are the diaries that Anna maintains, four of them. Red, blue, yellow, and black. Frankly, I still haven't understood why four of them, and what each one contains.

The dairies are full of her nostalgia for the life that she spent in Africa, especially the hotel in Mashopi. Later they move on to minute details of her day to day life, dealings with her renters, Molly, Janet, her boyfriend(s), and her work. I got tired after a point. It was too much details and too many things. Anna keeps on talking about the same things again and again and it becomes tedious and frustrating.

The "Free Women" parts are third-person narratives of what is actually happening with their lives. That was much more interesting that Anna's diaries.

I haven't understood what Doris achieved by this novel. Perhaps she didn't want to achieve anything at all. She was trying out a new form of writing. But then, why write so much then, over 500 pages?

I couldn't understand Anna. She just goes on living each day without doing anything...she just writes in her diaries, feels depressed all the time, is nervous and is always waiting for her boyfriend. She cooks for him, goes grocery shopping, reads newspapers, and overall just stays put in her flat. I wonder if this really was the life of women in the 1950s. It's no wonder that Anna feels depressed and lonely.

Molly and Anna call themselves "free women". But always are they talking about men, sex, affairs, and overall waiting for love to happen. Are they really free then? Anna especially seems a psychotic woman, who cannot live in the present but in her past and in her wild thoughts of nervousness and jealousy. It is a rather disturbing character.

I didn't like Doris's language too. There are just too many words. I haven't liked her style where the adjectives she uses to describe people, events, objects are really her own thoughts. She wants the readers to feel the same feeling and emotion that she has felt. It's like she spells out what you must feel as you read, no space for interpretation. Her words are very strong and overwhelming.

Doris has repeated the same story again and again in the novel. Anna writes a story that reflects her relationship with Molly. It is not hard to see the similarities and I kept wondering what's the need of the double stories. I still haven't understood why so many layers to tell the same story repeatedly. Or I am a dumbo and cannot understand the depth of the novel.

The synopsis says that the "The Golden Notebook" is what will help Anna to recovery. But when I read it, I got more confused. I am now not sure whether the part about Saul Green should be taken as the events that really happened in Anna's life or whether it's a story that Anna writes. If it's a story, then Anna doesn't need a recovery. She is fine already. If it's real, then it's Anna who needs to see a doc to get out of the mental mess.

Doris's language is very strong and at times weird. I felt at a loss with her punctuation and writing style. Pages and pages of a single paragraph. it took my breath away to finish one paragraph. It would have been so easy to break down the words in different paragraphs. But perhaps I am speaking from the point of view of minimalism. (My profession comes in between my understanding of Doris's writing style.) And she has used sentences such as this: "However." Now what does that mean? I really could not get it.

Overall, I heaved a sigh of relief that the novel was finally over. I really had high expectations from it because it won the Nobel. But to tell the truth, I was disappointed.

Does such writing get Nobel? Then why not the essays that we wrote during our graduation and post graduation? May be because the essays we wrote were too simple to understand and did not contain any reference to communism!

The Secret Of The Nagas

This is the second book of the Shiva trilogy.

After reading the first book, I wanted to read this book for a very, very long time. After the first book, because I didn't want to finish off the second immediately making it a long, long wait for the third, I did not buy this book at all. I just kept postponing it. Finally, I succumbed to my indulgence and bought the book. Yet again, I kept myself away from it. I deliberately avoided taking it up for reading.

Finally, three days ago, I could no longer wait. I thought of starting off my New Year with a good book and I took it up with a great deal of anticipation of finding it very interesting and exciting.

It definitely is a great read. Most of the times, I could not stop reading and had to pull myself out of it to complete my household chores.

The book starts where the last one ends. Just like the earlier one, it is fast-paced, exciting, full of mysteries, a very unique mixture of mythology and fiction. New characters are introduced, new mysteries are revealed. Old characters grow and develop complete new personalities.

The Shiva, Neelkantha is again the great Lord that everyone worships and believes in. Most of the characters, including the aam jananta believes that he is the One who will deliver them from evil. He is shown as a man of great character, yet he has his flaws. He has his misgivings. He has his highs and lows. He is a warrior, so is he a doting husband, a responsible father. He is accepting and totally in love with his wife. He accepts his wife and her relations without a question, without caring of what their past deeds have been or without giving any undue attention to their physical abnormalities. He is truly great in that sense.

But he has his flaws. To quote a sentence from one of my favourite authors, "his temper is not to be vouched for." Sure enough, just as we know Shiva, the great God of destruction, just as we know of his temper to be truly the ultimate force of destruction, we see similar rage in Neelkanth. It's the first time he actually screams out aloud, getting out his anger in a vehement fashion, not the cool, calm way that we are used to. He really is human after all.

Shiva goes through so many revelations. Faced with the unknown, his discussions with the different Vasudevas are interesting and the discussion of what Evil really is the crux of the book. What was good before no longer is, what seemed to be always bad, may not really be bad. Nothing really is good or bad. Circumstances are. People behave in a good or bad manner. But each would have a reason for doing what they are doing or what they did.

Shiva has lost a great friend in Brihaspati, and that anger is still there in his heart. It is really this incident of losing someone like is brother that urges him ahead in his quest. Whether he is out to find the Good or the Evil, whether Evil is really Evil is what remains to be seen.

The book has it all. Romance, death, fights, battles, complex relationships, carefree moments, happy moments, religious moments, philosophical discussions, betrayals, trust, courage, failures, and all intermingled with good dialogues, and a fast-paced style of writing. The descriptions of the various battles, the minute scene-to-scene descriptions create the whole picture right in front of your eyes. You are transported to the war scene and can see it all from various angles.

Some characters are shown almost on the verge of death and brought back from the precipice, which really made me happy. I would have been sad to see them go.

Two completely different lifestyles are depicted. The Meluhans are strict and disciplinarians. The Swadweepans are carefree and relaxed. While the Meluhans go strictly by laws, the Swadweepans don't care much for laws, are lenient towards even criminals, and are happy to let each one live life on different terms. What's really required is an amalgamation of the two types of lifestyles. The book is leaning towards that. Extremes do not work. What works is a median attitude. A way of life that is beneficial to all.

The author has done his homework and used all characters in Hindu mythology or history to great advantage. Each character has his own philosophy, ideals, and behaves accordingly.

I probably liked the second book more than the first because everyone has grown in the book. New people are brought in. New secrets are revealed, a new way of life is seen. The book is definitely going towards the end of the story that comes in the third book called The Oath of the Vayuputras. I am eagerly waiting for the third one and I really hope Amish brings it out quickly.

A must read, I'll give this book a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Nothing Much To Write About

...but just thought of writing...anything that comes to mind.

I finally completed that Myths and Legends of the Hindus and Buddhists book. I was rather disappointed with the book. I had imagined to contain quite a store of information about our Hindu gods and goddesses, and about Buddhism. But it was nothing more than a compilation of stories and myths. The language too was not to my taste, pretty didactic, and written from a western point of view. So, all in all, I am happy I pursued though totally bored with the book and completed it. And I am supremely glad that I am done with the book and can now move on to better and more interesting books.

The next one I have started on is Gerald Durrel's My Family and Other Animals. It's funny, interesting, and full of life. But what I am really waiting for is The Secret of Nagas. Let's see how long it takes for me to complete Durrel's book and move on to the Nagas.

XXX

Dussehra is gone and Diwali is round the corner. How will life change after that? Will it change? For better?

At work, new and interesting responsibilities are coming up. New challenges are there on the road. It's going to be my test. I'll have to be careful performing my new responsibilities, making sure I am fair, confident, and understanding. At the same time, I'll have to keep learning new things and keep myself updated. Let's see if I can handle all that.

On the personal front, looking forward to new beginnings. Looking forward to better things and better life. Let's see if life gives me all that!

XXX

Tomorrow's Friday and Saturday, hopefully I'll spend time with me family. Looking forward to the fun!

The Immortals of Meluha

(I have tried not to delve out a lot of details from the book to avoid giving spoilers. However, if you have not read the book, and plan to read it, just a warning that the following post might contain spoilers.)

This first of the Shiva trilogy is a fantastic book. After I started reading it, I just could not put it down. It is fast-paced, funny, intelligent, and not a bit boring.

Amish Tripathi, the author has taken Lord Shiva out of his "Lordship" and yet awarded him the "Lordship" in a totally different way. We see him as a common man who has his own problems, ideas, thoughts, weak points, and strong points. But he certainly has the strength to lead people and think differently. That is what makes him different.

Amish has made use of one of the greatest civilizations of history, the Indus Valley Civilisation to the greatest advantage. In a very creative way, the life led in that civilisation, which we might have known only through school and history books, is brought back to life, providing a whole gamut of experiences of understanding the civilisation. Perhaps it may not be all true. But the way it has been imaginatively given a character of its own is very good.

The workings of that civilisation are intrinsically woven into the story. The civilisation was a way of life. And that is precisely what is portrayed in the book.

The characters are well fleshed out. Each one, including the hero, has flaws that are part of the character. Each character is dynamic and doesn't behave superficially. Some characters may not be given a lot of space, like the Queen of the Suryavnshis. But such characters are not lost. They still have their own presence felt.

A mixture of mythology, fiction, suspense, mystic, and a brilliant plot is what makes this book a pleasure to read. Right from detailed descriptions of the wars that are fought, the one-on-one fights, or even the skirmishes that take place, the book does not become dull any moment.

I really liked the book and am looking forward to reading the next one - The Secret of the Nagas. I am hoping that Amish does not disappoint even in the last of the trilogy and keeps writing many more such interesting books.

Doing Those Things

I have again started following a couple of Marathi TV serials that are there on air. I like them. Both these, I wish I can follow everyday. But I know that is never going to happen. Firstly, I don't get to watch what I want on TV when I am home. And secondly, we usually don't reach home by the time the serials are shown. But both serials are good: उंच माझा झोका and एका लग्नाची दुसरी गोष्ट.

Both deal with different subjects, both are directed well, and the most important point is that they are not about the fighting, conniving, saas-bahu stupid themes.

Apart from that, I am also reading different types of books. If I am reading fiction at a point, I complete it and move on to something like autobiography or philosophy, or facts and mythology, or even something as simple as children's book. It's exciting.

And one thing I have done plenty is thinking, thinking, thinking. Speculating, rethinking, regarding, judging,  doubting, understanding, surmising, supposing, recalling, grasping, fathoming, realizing, theorizing, suspecting, concluding, hoping, awaiting, assuming, and getting exhausting doing all this.

That's how life is at the moment! 

Pottermore

For all Harry Potter fans, here's something that J.K. Rowling is coming up...Pottermore. Apparently, it's going to have a lot of reader interaction, and she herself will be sharing a lot of trivia that she has not added in the books. Available on the Pottermore website will be e-books and audio books.

Here's what J.K. Rowling has to say about Pottermore:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYs1d3jAdG0&feature=player_embedded

Don't know if I am excited enough, but it is definitely something worth looking forward to. Till then we have to be satisfied with the HP books and look forward to the second movie part of the 7th book that will be released soon.

Cheerio!

Old Books, Past Times, and Great Friends

I got three big piles of my old study books at my new home and it was time to go down the memory lane. All those old University days came back to my mind with extraordinary ease and quickness.

I remembered how we used to appear for exams, prepare for the exams, read plays together, attend lectures, discuss essays, poems, plays, novels, apply different literary theories to the works of literature that we studied, search through books in the library for some particular essay, get the books photocopied...aaah! What days!

And in all this, two friends were there all the time. They were there as we had fun, studied, and enjoyed being students. Thanks S and R for being there. Remembered our time together when we studied Shakespeare and Satyajit Ray! Cheers to our friendship!

Stephen Fry Kinetic Typography - Language

This is awesome!!! Do listen to it!

To Dear Papa

Happy Birthday!

It's my dad's birthday today according to the Hindu calendar. Interestingly, no one, not even he himself knows his real birthdate. No one knows neither his birthdate, nor the year. We just know his birthday according to the Hindu calender. It's the last day of the first Hindu month of Chaitra, and this year, it is today.

But we know one thing certainly, and that is that he was born. Because he is.

Today, I wish him many more such wonderful birthdays. I wish him health and happiness. I wish him peace of mind.

On this day, I want to salute the person that he is. His wealth of knowledge, his calm and quiet nature, his adherence to values, his punctuality, his constant and quiet support to what he feels is correct and right, and yet his stubbornness, his at-times whimsical nature, all make him what he is.

He is an English professor primarily. But he is also proficient in Sanskrit and Marathi. He has taught Sanskrit to junior college students. He has taught Marathi to German, American, and Indian students. It's amazing to see him literally play with these languages.

You will notice his mastery over all these languages when you hear him play with words as if juggling knives. He is apt to make you laugh with a few words spoken with a very straight face and a plain tone. His repartee is just unconquerable.

Obviously, if he is angry with you, the way he will show his displeasure is unique too. He'll seldom raise his voice. But what he will say will be such that you won't understand what has hit you until it's too late. And then too, he will have made you speechless. Beware, it could at times be quite nasty and possibly a below-the-belt attack. But you probably earned it.

Very recently, he did the MS-CIT course. His tremendous will power to learn about the world of computers is very admirable. And he passed that exam in flying colours. Hats off to you, Baba!

Moreover, like all men of his age, he is so much aware of his surroundings. He is up-to-date with the latest political happenings. He is also aware of the latest Bollywood gupshup. It's amazing how he finds time to know all that!

But there is one thing that he doesn't like much. He generally doesn't like watching movies. Especially if it is at home. If I make him go for a movie in a theatre, he will do that. But if you ask him to watch a movie at home, he will make some excuses. In fact, he will suggest a good movie that's on TV. He will watch it till the first advertisement break and then quietly slip off to read his books.

Yet, he has a few favourite movies: Sarfarosh, A Wednesday, Hum Aapke Hain Koun! And he never misses a single episode of the daily Marathi soap Agnihotra. He generally never stays up late after 11 in the night, but if he misses watching Agnihotra at prime time, he stays up to watch it at 11 p.m. That's his solidarity for his only favourite serial.

There's one another thing that he is amazing at. Baba loves to search for books on the footpath. He loves visiting the footpath-vendors who sell books; I call them that for a better name. His favourite one is the one who sells books on the Lakdi Pul. He has bought a wonderful collection of Perry Mason books, religious books, P. G. Wodehouse books, and other interesting books from him. And he will buy them at a meagre Rs. 20-30. It's such excitement when he comes home with a new Perry Mason book!

Baba loves listening to classical music. He is a fan of Pt. Vasantarao Deshpande, Pt. Kumar Gandharva, Pt. Bhimsen Joshi. But he also appreciates film songs-Hindi and Marathi as well as newer songs that are really worth it. His favourite song from the new generation music is the Kajra Re song. He simply loves it!

Today, on his birthday, I wish him lots of love! Love you, Papa!

Quotable Quotes

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. -Robert Frost

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. -Casey Stengel

I do not want people to be agreaable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. -Jane Austen

When I was born, I was so surprised, I didn't talk for a year and half. -Gracie Allen

I never think of the future-it comes soon enough. -Albert Einstein

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him "Whose?" -Dorothy L. Sayers

Can one desire too much of a good thing? -William Shakespeare

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet. -Bob Dylan

What happens when the future has come and gone? -Robert Half

Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut. -Robert Newton Peck

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us. -Jerry Garcia

Interestingly, according to modern astonomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. -Woody Allen.

One meets destiny often on the road one takes to avoid it. -Unkonwn.

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. -Totie Fields

No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one. -Elbert Hubbard

Fear is like that. Like cigarettes or opium. You must have more of it. -Henry Cecil

Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth. -J. K. Rowling

Godaan

Munshi Premchand...a very respected Hindi and Urdu writer. I came across the translation of his most famous work "Godaan" and I picked it up in sheer curiosity. I was never a great reader of Hindi literature. But I remember having one of his stories to study in school. I picked up the book just to know why it was so famous.

I may not be able to tell a lot about the book. But this book is definitely a good read. The translation, I suppose, could have been better. But I found it entertaining.

Godaan is the story of Horiram, his wife Dhania, son Gobar(dhan), daughters Sona and Rupiya, and other characters in the story, which are quite a number of them. You will meet most of the usual crowd that you will find in a village drama, the local policeman, the sahukars, the pundits, the city-bred folks, the upper-caste and lower-caste people. The novel records Horiram's dream of owning a cow, which is not just the pride of the household, but also considered sacred, the problems he faces, and how society plays an important role in all this.

Horiram's utter poverty, deprived conditions, loans to run the family and household, and social norms that he faces and succumbs to is a major theme in the novel. Loan sharks take away his money, his farm produce, his bulls, his self-respect too. But there's one thing that they just can't take away...his dreams. Horiram is just a representative of the lakhs and crores of farmers who share the same plights. Their world is almost similar to what is shown in the book. And I doubt it has changed much since the book was written in 1936. The socio-economic deprivation of small, poor farmers is, I guess, still the same.

Premchand has very intricately shown a diaspora of themes intertwined with each other. You have the problems Horiram faces due to his loans, the extravagant celebrations at Rai Sahib's place, the city-bred folks and their discussions on politics, money, life, social standards, their hypocrisy, a disruption in social order as high-caste men ensnare low-caste women, life of the city dwellers, marriages, weddings, social festivals, and human emotions all spun in the same tale.

While at one place Horiram's life is dwindling towards ulitmate destruction due to loans, Premchand portrays the exhuberant and lavish life of the city folks who are great talkers of social reform and greater misers who exploit farmers, labourers, and at times, even helpless women. Life at its best and life at its worst...all shades and all walks of life.

I guess at its time, the novel would have been quite forward in its thoughts. It shows a lady doctor, Miss Malti, who has come back from England and who falls in love with a philosopher, Mr. Mehta. In the end they both accept their love for each other but decide not to get married but still stay together and love each other. I think this was an unknown thing at that time...staying together without marrying (although in a city) was not much heard of. Moreover, they might have been ostracised by the society. But Premchand was ahead of his times and had the courage to show this, especially because the lady suggests this option which the philosopher readily accepts.

Premchand also has shown widow-remarriage. Interestingly, Jhunia, who is a widow starts loving Gobar and becomes pregnant. Gobar too loves her truly, but is apprehensive about his mother's reaction. He abandons her at his parents doorstep and flees when he is sure that his mother has taken Jhunia under her wings. Till the end, Jhunia and Gobar are together as husband-wife, yet they are never shown as actually married. I found that amazing.

Matadin, the son of the local pundit ensnares a low-caste chamarin Siliya, impregnates her, and then disowns her when her family force him to eat meat. Siliya really loves Matadin and prefers to raise the child with a quiet determination of loving Matadin forever. She believes that Matadin will come back to her and ultimately he does.

In all this, Premchand shows the hypocrisy of religious men, of men in power, of wealth, of social norms, of principles, of ideals.

Premchand's characters are full of life and three dimensional. Most of the landlords and loan-sharks behave just as they should, just as they have been doing all these generations. And so do the villagers. They come to wish luck for good tidings and thwart the miserables when in dire conditions. That's what everyone does. It's human after all to be there with people when they are going through a good patch and desert them when life turns bad for them. Life's like that!

Dhania is a very strong woman. She is (in)famous for her acrid tongue. She does not take a single abuse, injustice lying down, especially against her own self, or her husband, who is rather a simpleton and god-fearing. She is ready to fight the ridiculous and unjust social laws, yet is held back every time by Horiram. In spite of that, she respects Horiram and supports him. I admire her character especially in two situations...one is when Jhuniya, five-months pregnant, lands at her door. Dhania was aware of Jhunia and Gobar's affair, and had vehemently talked of never letting Jhunia step into the house if Gobar married her. Yet, when she is at the doorstep, Dhania complains initially but ultimately does not turn her out. She welcomes her in house as her own bahu and loves her all the more. She never mistreats Jhunia and showers her love on Jhunia and her son.

The second incident is when Siliya is outcast by the village. Dhania gives shelter to Siliya and allows her to stay at her place fully knowing that the whole village was angry with Siliya. She did not care about the whole world but stood by Siliya although she was a low-caste woman. Dhania's strength, struggles, a modern outlook towards life, pride in her family and kids, heart-wrenching pitiable state, yet her will power make her an outstanding character. I liked her the best in the novel.

When I started the novel, I was only sceptical about it. But slowly I got interested, so much so that I could barely put down the book. When I got up in the morning, I was wondering what all was to happen to Horiram, Dhania, Gobar, Jhuniya, Siliya, Mr. Mehta, Miss Malti, and the other characters.

A social documentary, Godaan is a charismatic tale of Horiram and his life, interlinked with so many others, going through the same hell or heaven at that time. Times have changed. But I guess the society is still the same. The only difference is that Horiram toiled hard to return his loan of Rs. 250. Now farmers have to toil hard to return their loans of Rs. 25000. Sort of déjà vu, isn't it?

Out Of Book Ramblings

Have you ever felt that your life is happening right out of a book? I feel that sometimes. Sometimes I remember what things have happened with a character and realize that just those things are happening with me. It is downright spooky!

Something happens with you that's just like in a book you recently read. Then you recall what other things have happened with that character and wonder whether those will happen with you too. You are in an "in-between" world. Neither here, nor there. I mean, you are real, leading a real life. But you are also there, in that world, the world of that book. Kind of in a trance. Very weird.

If a single incident is similar to that in a book, you try finding out similar characters, similar situations, and perhaps similar feelings too. Or may be, you try to gauge what your feelings are at the moment the real thing is happening against what you thought about that incident when you were reading the book.

For example, you have read a book in which the protagonist had the misfortune of losing a family member. When a similar situation arises in your life, you are very much involved in the scene before you. But you are also watching the scene unfurl before you from a third person perspective. You would compare how you felt when you read that incident in the book. Perhaps, it is the difference of a third person perspective and a fourth person perspective. When reading a book, you are mildly aware that it is just that...a book. Things happening with the protagonist are just fictional. You are looking at things from a transparent fourth wall. You would probably 'know' that you should feel the sadness rather than actually feel it. But when you are looking at the actual incident in your life, you can feel the sadness. But you also take in all the other things happening around you at that time.

You notice your relative, peaceful in death. All other relatives respecting death and murmuring in low voices. Some discussing the plans for the funeral. Others remembering the once-living beloved. And the kids not sure how to behave with such a tragedy before them. Children looking at the dead relative and wondering how they should react. Should they cry, just watch, avoid the scene and sneak away to an unknown place, console their parents, yet not knowing if they would appear too grown-up if they consoled them, or just laugh out and stay unaffected. And you can see the elderly people looking at the dead thinking when their turn would be. You can see them thinking of that unknown time when they would be lying there, still and untroubled. The shadow of a controlled fear, a fear of the unknown.

And in the midst of all this you remember the poor protagonist in the book and think whether s/he felt the same thing in such a situation. You then ascribe your own thoughts to the protagonist and believe that life is rather frightening to present you with the same situations that were there in the book. An eerie feeling of déjà vu sets in.

But if you are in a happy situation, I doubt if you would remember about a similar situation in a book. What about a neutral situation, neither happy, nor sad, somewhere in between? Just an anxious situation, which makes you think about what you are doing at that moment. You might think how similar it is to a situation in a book. You then are all anticipation of what will happen next.

That's when you realise, life is too good to be true. After all, life takes inspiration from books!

In Vain I Have Written!

"What are your hobbies?" Has anyone asked you that question? How truthfully do you answer? Can you always point out your hobby?

I can't. My standard answer is "I read books, watch movies, listen to music." I am sure this is the answer that everyone has given at least once without exception. I mean, c'mon, you don't go on telling people that what you like best is doing twisted things like ringing someone's bell on a quiet Sunday afternoon and running off, throwing water balloons from behind walls, or even throwing stones at stray dogs.

I always wonder, should hobby be something that you like to do always, or when you find time out of your usual routine? Let's say your hobby is watching movies. Of course, you can't watch movies because you have got to work. But if tomorrow your boss tells you that you don't need to worry about your job and pay and you can continue watching movies, you will do it without a backward glance. Naturally, you will wonder if your boss has gone temporarily mad but will make haste to take advantage of his madness. Unless you hate movies, you will certainly grab this opportunity. So my question pops up again, would watching movies really be your hobby?

So what really is a hobby? Dictionary.com defines 'hobby' as "an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation." Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary has a similar definition: a pursuit outside one's regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation.

How many of us do something in particular everyday when our work is over for the day? Do you go back home after a very tiring day and take up your hobby? Inspite of being dead tired, do you make it a point to read a few pages, write some lines, or paint, or draw? After having a troublesome day at work, do you look forward to taking out time to go cycling, or playing the piano, or anything that helps you not only relax but also gives you immense satisfaction?

I say this so many times that I love cycling. But do I take out some time for that? Not at all. And what are my reasons? That I come home late, sleep late, and eventually get up late. And why do I come home late? Because I have late night meetings. But do I take efforts to work out a schedule that will give me some time to pursue my "hobby"? Nope! Shame on me!

I guess your hobby is not just a means to provide you relaxation. It is a way to rediscover yourself. To be with yourself and to know yourself better.

And despite writing all this, I won't budge and do something about my hobby! "In vain I have struggled!" Or rather, "In vain I have written!"