To Babai

Babai in a pensive mood

Dearest Babai, who is right now not as healthy as she used to be. It is heart-wrenching to see her like that.

Babai, my Aai's Aai, has always been this one strong woman, who has never ever bowed down. To see her in the bed all the time, too weak to talk is very disturbing.

When me and my sister were kids, we used to stay at my grandmom's place after our school. We used to be dropped by our rickshaw-wale kaka in the afternoon, and stayed there till evening, when Baba used to come to pick us up.

Those were magical days! Babai and Kaka (my Ajoba) used to stay at Prabhat Talkies, literally in the heart of Pune city. They had a two-room home that housed so many people at a time. We used to have all our cousins, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, all together under one roof. But the house always seemed enough for all.

Babai was almost the head of the house, taking care of the kitchen, the kids, the grocery, everything around. She was a solid support for my Mami who continued working as a nurse. My cousin, my sister, and I used to spend afternoons together after school. We used to fight during lunch for the place closest to Kaka. We used to fight again for the afternoon siesta for a place closest to Babai. She would pacify us saying that she had long hands and would reach up to all.

She was the one who taught us to read time. She had this old, broken-down clock that she used to tune and change the hour and minute hands, and then ask us to guess the time. I can never forget that red-faced clock and those "timely" hours spent in the balcony.

Babai had always been strong, at times very, very headstrong, to the point of being irritating. She always gloried in the work that she did, the contacts she maintained in her big family, be it on her own side, or her husband's side. Everyone in the family used to respect her, love her, and never forgot what she had done for them. And she really did do everything possible for everyone. No one left her threshold unsatisfied. She was there for everyone, a lighthouse, a beacon, a solid wall of support.

She had her flaws. She was too headstrong. She had been too much in the limelight, too much in the power to give up easily. She always wanted things her way. She has had a tremendous ego. But all in all, she never bowed down, never gave up.

Today, when I see her in the hospital, I can only remember how she was once upon a time. She is diminished, faded, and tired. After 85 years of being headstrong, it is hard to see her bowed down due to her age. She is slowly losing against time.

We all love you, Babai! Just one more loving request we make of you...do not go away by losing away to life. Fight back! Be your own self! Be the iron lady you have been! Make your final exit on your own terms. Not by simply fading away!

Prayers For A Brave Hero

He has got a bullet in his stomach, and he needs several operations to get back to normal. It's already some days now and the bullet is still inside him.

This brave hero was hit in the stomach with a bullet by the "you-know-whos." He was found after 12 hours with a bullet inside him. It's a wonder that he is still alive! His stomach, small intestine, large intestine are all affected and are in dangerous conditions. The liver is damaged! But not his spirit!!

He is still fighting for his life, living each day bravely. Every new operation is going to be a new test.

I want him to recover from this ordeal. I want him to be hale and hearty like he always was.

I don't want him to succumb to his injuries like other soldiers have.

I am praying constantly for his recovery! Lieutenant, we are there for you! Wishing you a speedy recovery, Brave Hero! We salute your bravery! Don't leave us!

Krishna-maya!

To Dear Papa

Happy Birthday!

It's my dad's birthday today according to the Hindu calendar. Interestingly, no one, not even he himself knows his real birthdate. No one knows neither his birthdate, nor the year. We just know his birthday according to the Hindu calender. It's the last day of the first Hindu month of Chaitra, and this year, it is today.

But we know one thing certainly, and that is that he was born. Because he is.

Today, I wish him many more such wonderful birthdays. I wish him health and happiness. I wish him peace of mind.

On this day, I want to salute the person that he is. His wealth of knowledge, his calm and quiet nature, his adherence to values, his punctuality, his constant and quiet support to what he feels is correct and right, and yet his stubbornness, his at-times whimsical nature, all make him what he is.

He is an English professor primarily. But he is also proficient in Sanskrit and Marathi. He has taught Sanskrit to junior college students. He has taught Marathi to German, American, and Indian students. It's amazing to see him literally play with these languages.

You will notice his mastery over all these languages when you hear him play with words as if juggling knives. He is apt to make you laugh with a few words spoken with a very straight face and a plain tone. His repartee is just unconquerable.

Obviously, if he is angry with you, the way he will show his displeasure is unique too. He'll seldom raise his voice. But what he will say will be such that you won't understand what has hit you until it's too late. And then too, he will have made you speechless. Beware, it could at times be quite nasty and possibly a below-the-belt attack. But you probably earned it.

Very recently, he did the MS-CIT course. His tremendous will power to learn about the world of computers is very admirable. And he passed that exam in flying colours. Hats off to you, Baba!

Moreover, like all men of his age, he is so much aware of his surroundings. He is up-to-date with the latest political happenings. He is also aware of the latest Bollywood gupshup. It's amazing how he finds time to know all that!

But there is one thing that he doesn't like much. He generally doesn't like watching movies. Especially if it is at home. If I make him go for a movie in a theatre, he will do that. But if you ask him to watch a movie at home, he will make some excuses. In fact, he will suggest a good movie that's on TV. He will watch it till the first advertisement break and then quietly slip off to read his books.

Yet, he has a few favourite movies: Sarfarosh, A Wednesday, Hum Aapke Hain Koun! And he never misses a single episode of the daily Marathi soap Agnihotra. He generally never stays up late after 11 in the night, but if he misses watching Agnihotra at prime time, he stays up to watch it at 11 p.m. That's his solidarity for his only favourite serial.

There's one another thing that he is amazing at. Baba loves to search for books on the footpath. He loves visiting the footpath-vendors who sell books; I call them that for a better name. His favourite one is the one who sells books on the Lakdi Pul. He has bought a wonderful collection of Perry Mason books, religious books, P. G. Wodehouse books, and other interesting books from him. And he will buy them at a meagre Rs. 20-30. It's such excitement when he comes home with a new Perry Mason book!

Baba loves listening to classical music. He is a fan of Pt. Vasantarao Deshpande, Pt. Kumar Gandharva, Pt. Bhimsen Joshi. But he also appreciates film songs-Hindi and Marathi as well as newer songs that are really worth it. His favourite song from the new generation music is the Kajra Re song. He simply loves it!

Today, on his birthday, I wish him lots of love! Love you, Papa!

"Begging With An Attitude" In Japanese

A very good friend of mine, Prajwal Channagiri honoured me by translating my Begging With An Attitude post in Japanese. I want to thank him for his efforts and the generous compassion that induced him to translate my post.

Here's the Japanese post: http://blog.goo.ne.jp/cprajwal85/e/fe462f2fd439b86d2f2561adbcb7be8c.

Thanks, Prajwal!

Patronuses

I know for sure that I have got a Patronus. Two in fact. They are those cheerful forces that are helping me survive the gloomy, confusing, hostile, frightened life that I sometimes have.

They have helped me ascertain that my instints are intact. That my gut feelings are usually correct and that I should stick to them. They have appeared at my bleakest hour and signaled that I am on the right track and that they are there to protect me. Their appearance has fortified me, given me a warmth, a strength to endure difficulties and surpass them.

They have given me the self confidence that I was losing. Ultimately I would have succumbed to the darkest of fears, self-pity, and unhappiness, but for them! Now I know, they are there to guide me, to protect me from the blackest and darkest forces.

Thank you dear Patronuses! I need you every hour, every minute, every second. Stay by me!

To A Beautiful Lady

Beautiful, strong, helpful, and strong-willed. That's how I see her. She is master of herself, always doing what she thinks is best. And always, she has been right. She has always been a stong support for me. We share a lot of things in common. Yet, we both are distinctive, she more so. She completes our trio. Without her, it would not have started. When we had met first, we had fought. But over years, we have become true friends. Her steady nature, brave heart, and no-nonsense attitude make her unique.

It was her birthday yesterday! I am sorry I missed putting up this blog by a day! But here's wishing you a very Happy Birthday and a beautiful life ahead!

The Better Half

One woman who lives the life of hundreds like her. Yet, she stands out from others. She is my Kavita Vahini. She has been a pillar of strength for my cousin Dada and his entire family. Theirs is a love marriage. Both were really young when they got married. But through all these years, she has stood by him through thick and thin.

She lives the usual life of an office-going woman in Mumbai. She gets up early, cooks, makes tiffins for her husband and daughter, cares for her father-in-law, travels through the over-crowded local trains, goes to office, works, comes back in the evening, washes clothes and utensils, helps her daughter in her studies, has dinner with family and ends her day with an early nap. Not once in all these years have I ever, ever heard her complain about this awfully busy and difficult schedule. Not once has she shirked her responsibility. And all this she has done whole heartedly, happily.

My Dada isn't well since a couple of weeks and I have seen her toil harder than ever. I have seen her stay by Dada day and night, literally. I can visit her only in the evening after office hours. But not once, and I am not exaggerating, not once have I seen her tired, forlorn, sad, and irritated. It's been hardest for her. Her daughter is left alone with her grandpa at home and she has to take care of Dada here. And yet, everyday I see her full of life, helping Dada to recover, supporting him, cheering him up.

Vahini's mother and sister are far away from her. They have their own set of problems. But she is brave and lives life blessing and caring for everyone that she meets. She is truly one of the strongest women I have ever met.

Her simplicity and strength, her values and her caring nature, her understanding nature and love for everyone are worth learning.

I dedicate this post to Kavita Vahini, who makes my world a better place to live!

Debts And Daggers

I can't believe that my last two blogs have created such a stir in my "followers." I had never dreamt that people would be discussing my blogs. It's quite phenomenal! And believe me, very humbling too!

Thanks for keeping up with my writings, folks!

When I wrote that last post, I believed myself perfectly calm and cool; but after listening to everyone's reactions, I wonder if I did not write it in a dreadful spirit of bitterness and anger. And for those who cannot figure out from where I have picked up those lines, you can search for them here.

Keep reading guys!

Making Myself Useful

One of my friends has got a job in Chennai and is moving over to Chennai on Saturday. She has studied and worked hard to get this job and I am immensely happy for her. Her mother has taken tremendous efforts after her father passed away to make ends meet and to educate her children. My friend has done MBA even in such circumstances and for her, it is a completely new experience to go away from her family.

I am proud that I have such a brave and worthy friend. And I am glad that I was of help to her to pack her things. She was at a complete loss of how to pack her bags and what things to take along and how to take them. I sat with her for a couple of hours, sorted out things for her, and packed her bags for her.

In doing all this, I was tremendously happy that I was useful to someone. I was useful in making someone happier and relaxed. It is very heartening to see that I can be of use to someone. And, this I write not because I am vain, but to remind me once again that had I not been there, someone else would have been there. She would have received help in some or the other way. I was just the means, the "jariya", the "nimitti."

Never forget that you are a small cog in a giant wheel. Even if you don't do your work, the wheel won't stop turning.

To A Friend

She has always been there for me. Always...whatever has happened, she has stood by me-supporting me, cheering me up, caring for me, and loving me as I am. Never has she tried to change me but has always accepted me just as I am. She is sometimes irritated with my whims and fancies, but seldom has she shown that.

She is bubbling with energy, full of life. For her, life is to be lived to the fullest. No short cuts. She suffers, she toils, she endures pains and heartbreaks. But when she is happy, she is exhilarated, not just for herself, but for each and every friend she knows. Each of her friends' happiness and joys are her own. She is crazy at times, a lot times confused, seldom careless, and always talkative. She is one of my best friends.

It's her birthday today. Here's wishing her a very Happy Birthday! May all your wishes and dreams come true. God bless you!

Friends Who've Come And Friends Who're Gone

Can you count them?

I haven't kept a count. But I always wonder if the overall total always remains the same.

Friends from school who grow with us for ten so years and then are lost once out of the school. By the time we complete our education and start our career, we forget half of them. Then one fine day, you are abroad and someone calls you out. Least expecting to find a friend there, you will find a long-forgotten classmate and memories are rejunivated.

While you get back some friends, you also make new friends. Each friend falls in a particular group. And only a handful transcend these groups. There are generally very few friends who will know each and everything that's happening with you. They are your pillars to lean on in unhappy times. They are the ones you go to for advice, suggestions, and solace. These friends are constant.

You will find newer friends as you progress in your life...college friends, colleagues, trekking friends, club friends, gym friends. As you pass each day, you will meet each one of these and they perform their task to accompany you till you get someone else. It is just like a train, stopping at a station, picking a few people up, taking them to the next station, and dropping them there. All these friends serve their puropse. And that is all they are for. For that matter, even you serve the same purpose for them in their lives.

And in this journey, some friends, perhaps long lost, leave an indelible mark on you. They have affected your life in some way. Whether it is the way they communicated with you, the way they helped in you your first ever job, the way you were comfortable with them, your togetherness, you cherish it all. You still wish that things had not changed between you two and you were still friends. But that can't happen. Because you have to move along as life moves on. If you don't move on, there's a chance that you won't catch the friends who are waiting for you in the future.

Move on, but don't forget to turn around and glance back once in a while!

Cheers to all my "constant" friends and all my friends perhaps long-forgotten, long-lost, or even long-left!

Impressions And Influences

There are some folks in your life that make a profound difference to you. Here are some of the folks who have affected me in some way or the other.

I am not going to name them, but will use their initials. There are a number of reasons for not using their names. I want to keep their names a secret. There will be a kind of mystery to their identity, which will be interesting. Not all about whom I have written may read this and will never come to know that I have included them here. If any one them reads this, and recognises herself or himself, I don't want her or him to feel obliged to thank me or to curse me for whatever I may feel about them. Nor do I want to make them feel embarrassed. I've noted these folks in whichever order, without any reference to their importance to me or influence too.

I'll probably keep this as a running list and update it frequently. Because people themselves change so much that there is something new to learn and write about them all the time.


So here it goes:

MK: Intelligent, smart, and strong. Ready to take on the world on her own terms. She leads life to make a difference and succeeds too. In recent years, her roles have changed and I have been amazed to see the change in her. She is a wonderful lady. We have had our fights and misunderstandings. But it's all forgotten now. I admire her and just as she has been there to support me, I shall always be there to support her whenever she needs me.

AK: This guy has been there always and supported me. Initially, I wasn't too inclined to be good to him. But gradually I learnt that he is a wonderful guy and caring too. I believe in him a lot and know that he will be there to help me if I am in trouble. Our long discussions on all kinds of subjects, discussions on books, movies and computers are what I cherish always.

AK: The youngest addition to this group. I learn new things when I am with him. And it increases my patience too. Feels wonderful to know that someone thinks of you frequently.

RR: A very, very sensitive girl. Her heart's in the right place, though. She is choosy at times and jumpy. Sometimes I just can't understand her point of view. Nevertheless, I respect her views, though I may not agree. She has been one of my biggest support. She can't always know what's right and what's not. And her professional life is always giving her trouble. Yet she goes on with everything with a brave heart. She has been with me during most of my troubled times. I wish her all the luck!

SN: A down-to-earth, nice girl. Keeps a cool mind and a steady heart. We agree on a lot of points and believe in a lot of things together. Yet, there is something which is quite distinctive about her. I have found her to be a bit not-so-serious about things. She won't take as much efforts as required. Ultimately, her priorities have changed. Yet, at one point we still care about each other. I wish she was more frequently in touch.

AK: This is a whimsical, interesting guy. And a complete puzzle to me. But he is sweet, helpful, and has the "I-am-a-guy-and-should-ideally-protect-you" attitude, which I find very funny. And he will show that in even the smallest ways. While interacting with him, I am most of the times speechless. That's because I can't figure out what to say. Very discomforting.

KA: This is an interesting guy. Cynical a lot of times. But has clear thoughts about finance and career. We share a strange camaraderie. We got on the right note in a strange manner. But we hit it on quite well. We have had a lot of discussions and probably fights too. Yet, he's one of the nicest guys I've met. We have had our differences and were not talking for some time. But I am glad that we are on talking terms again. I only wish I get some questions answered from him. But that could be a far-fetched hope. Be that as it may, I wish him nothing but the best.

BH: A close friend who is now long-distant. But even now, we talk a lot. We've had some pretty discussions on a lot of things. He helps me think over some things, praises me a bit too much, and supports my decisions. Thank you for being there.

SD: One of my newest friend and also one of the closest. We have been friends since only some 8-9 months. But we do feel as if we have known each other for a long time. I cherish the wonderful discussions we have over coffee and wada-paav. It's amazing how comfortable we are with each other. We share a lot of things with each other like how I feel about some of my relatives and why I feel so. And he always comforts me when I am distressed because of work or because of other personal problems. Thanks!

RV: Extremely pampered and lazy. Seriously! He has got whatever he wanted at the beck of his call. Yet, he will find some or the other thing to complain about. And he is great talker. He loves talking and does most of the talking when we are together. But he does have a very kind heart. Very sensitive too. When he likes people, he is ready to do anything and everything for them. And I am fortunate enough to be in his good books. He is very good at his work and is ready for hardwork there. Otherwise he is quite the lazy guy. At times he is damn moody and you may not know how to behave with him. Most other times, he is good and makes you laugh with his funny incidents. But he is a big man with a big heart and that's something.

There are also some other people who are worth mentioning, but I really don't have a lot to write about. These are AB, SB, JD, SS, VP, VN, SA, PS, SK, SP, AK, SM. And don't worry, I know whose initials all these are. Won't confuse them. Here's a big thanks to all of these too.

Support System

I have absolutely no doubt that each one of you must have felt this...more wronged than doing wrong. I have felt that so many times. Each time I get a blow from a "close" person, I always think, why me? What should I have done more to get unconditional support from that person? I can count all those times that I have been let down. Each time that happens, I tend to feel sour and dejected.

It is weird that we take so many things for granted. And one of them is that unreserved backup from our folks. That's where we fall flat on our face. I mean, really, when you give them your whole-hearted support and help, you really can't suppose that you will get back the same! They aren't a mirror, you know!

There's this nice film called 27 Dresses in which Katherine Heigl plays the role of a perpetual bridesmaid. She keeps on ploughing through life in the hope that one day she will get in return what she has been giving out to everyone. Eventually, after all trials and tribulations, she indeed gets what she wants. And she was also whole-heartedly supported by her family as well as all her friends for whom she had been a bridesmaid. Now that's of course downright optimistic. You cannot always have that luck!

Yet, life never gets dull. You get to know all such people and do some good for them. You will sacrifice a valuable thing to help that person. Does sacrifice count? I don't believe so. Once you sacrifice something, it never comes back. It is lost forever. And then when you do not get back something for that little sacrifice, it is lost one more time. You lament about how people change, how they do not help when you really need them. That's when you lose it a third time. Finally, you just console yourself saying that you should keep on doing stuff irrespective of whether that person reciprocates. That's when you lose the essence of the sacrifice for the fourth and final time. It's lost completely and takes away with it your belief in goodness.

You are back to square one, starting things anew. Starting a new order, ready to get disappointed again.