Letting Bygones Be Bygones

In a budding relationship, with all the trust, love, and faith you have in the other person, it is necessary to let bygones be bygones.

Whether you are in office, with acquaintances, with your family and loved ones, you cannot build on hostile feelings. You need to sit back one day and try and understand what is really holding you up.

When in office, you may come across some of your colleagues with whom you are not comfortable. Yet you need to work along with them. Sometimes, it is much easy to ignore the little quirks that may irritate you as long as the work is done. You can easily do that, because after all, it's for a short time that you are together with that person.

Eventually, you get used to the person and the whims and fancies. You come to accept the person as he or she is until your work is getting done and until that person is not a real hindrance to your job, position, and progress. If someone is a hindrance, dealing with that person is an entirely different story.

But on a personal level, what do you do? When a person irritates you, gets on your nerves, and does not let you be, what can you do?

Sometimes, it's best to ignore. But, it certainly is not easy to ignore and let go. Then at times, you don't know how to deal with a person who cannot understand you, is really self-centered, doesn't give you the required space, cannot understand your point of view, is obstinate, and has entirely different goals.

That's the time when you sit down and make each other understand what the goals are. The short-term goals and the long-term ones too. It is time to sit down and clarify things, make each other understand what you like, what you don't.

Mind you, it's not easy to see through somebody else's point of view. Most of the times, the person who has felt dejected, unloved, and lonely will feel themselves to be martyrs. And for you, that person may seem to be the culprit for all the wrong things that have happened.

You wouldn't be able to forget the smaller fights, the real big fights, and the hurt that has been caused because of being headstrong, stubborn, and unhelpful.

That's when you need to keep patience. Handle each situation very, very delicately. Put forth your points, your ideas in a way that will help the other person see your perspective. The other person may not believe in your perspective, but will at least understand that, finally, that is what your feel. And the most important factor in all this is not to keep reminding oneself of all the fights and hurt in the past. For some time at least, you must keep them away. Keep them on the back burner.

You may want to pick on them again when the issues at hand are resolved. But it is extremely important that at the time when you are trying to patch up things, you let bygones be bygones. Slowly and surely, the soreness, the feeling of being hurt and unhappy fades away. A real understanding between each other develops. That's when peace will return!

What Is Important In Life?

That's the question that we should ask when we are in a crisis-like situation. Or in a situation where there are multiple problems and you cannot figure out where exactly you should start.

At any given point of time in our life, we face multiple problems. (Un)luckily, our life is not so simple to give us one problem at a time and give the solution to it. When problems come in, they come in hordes. And we have to deal with each one of them. There's no escaping.

Escaping is really what we ought never to do. Not looking at the problem at all, ignoring it and willing it to be resolved by itself is something that is never going to happen. Remember that unless you take efforts, your problem is not going to solve.

When you know there are issues among people, and if you keep on ignoring them, thinking that if you ignore them, the issues will cease to exist, you are totally mistaken. Not only will those problems never be solved, but they will aggravate. And you alone will be responsible for that.

Agreed that most issues, problems, hurdles are not so simple! Life never has been. But you have to deal with them. At times, you just need to accept the facts. Facts that are as difficult to digest, that are sometimes painful, and not the ideal situation that you had hoped for. That's when you need to understand that things cannot change. Too much water has gone under the bridge and things haven't been as you had expected them. And how much ever you try, situations are not going to smoothen out.

That's the cue for you to sit back and think. Take some time out to introspect. Think what is of the most importance to you at that moment? What will make the situation better? What solution can you find that's going to make things work out? Or at least marginally better? Would you need to compromise on some things? If you would need to, are they worth it?

In all this, make sure of finding out that one goal towards which you are working at that moment in your life. It could be as simple as changing your job for better opportunities, finding a new place to live, getting married, moving to a different city, and so on. Think whether the situation that has arisen is hampering you from achieving your goal. If it is, you must take the necessary steps.

Remember, do not back out from doing the right thing. It needs great courage to do the right thing. Not just for everybody, but most importantly for your own self. Never refrain from doing the right thing because of fear!

Face it up front, fight it out. You might as well go down fighting, than be down and out for ever! And never give up too!

Changing Times

Times are changing, things are changing, people are changing.

One of my closest friend recently got married and has moved to a different city. I didn't realise the big change it would be. Not just for her, but also for me. She was always there for us all. Now she has started her new life and I am surely happy for her. But that is what it is...circumstances are changing.

What was taken for granted earlier isn't there anymore. You have to adapt to it and change yourself too.

My parents moved to a new house. That's a big change indeed. They are still trying to settle in. The house is beautiful, comfortable, and very conveniently located. It also has car parking (which really is a boon.) Surprisingly, we all have adjusted to the new house quite quickly. Fortunately it's in the same locality so not much change with regards to the maids, newspaper boy, or doodhwala. Nevertheless, it's a change. It's a good change.

At work, a release is just over and we are moving towards a November release. But before we start working on that, we are doing new things with new additional team members, and with new technology. I am responsible for an entire new project along with existing tasks. Exciting times ahead.

Changing times indeed!

Just One Incident

It takes just one incident to know what you want to do ahead, how you want to deal with things, what path you want to take ahead. It all boils down to that one single moment of truth when realisation dawns on you. One single moment in which things fall apart. One single moment when things start making sense. One single moment that helps you take a decision.

Nothing more, nothing less. One incident can shape your life.

Doing Those Things

I have again started following a couple of Marathi TV serials that are there on air. I like them. Both these, I wish I can follow everyday. But I know that is never going to happen. Firstly, I don't get to watch what I want on TV when I am home. And secondly, we usually don't reach home by the time the serials are shown. But both serials are good: उंच माझा झोका and एका लग्नाची दुसरी गोष्ट.

Both deal with different subjects, both are directed well, and the most important point is that they are not about the fighting, conniving, saas-bahu stupid themes.

Apart from that, I am also reading different types of books. If I am reading fiction at a point, I complete it and move on to something like autobiography or philosophy, or facts and mythology, or even something as simple as children's book. It's exciting.

And one thing I have done plenty is thinking, thinking, thinking. Speculating, rethinking, regarding, judging,  doubting, understanding, surmising, supposing, recalling, grasping, fathoming, realizing, theorizing, suspecting, concluding, hoping, awaiting, assuming, and getting exhausting doing all this.

That's how life is at the moment! 

Moving On

It's as difficult or as easy as you make it. Depends on how much you really want to move on. Be it in a job, be it on a personal front.

In a job, there could be several reasons for your moving out. One of the major reasons is that your lead or manager have been incapable of giving you the due and appreciating your hard work. When that happens, moving on is easier. Perhaps, it's difficult to leave behind your colleagues who have been very supportive throughout your tenure in that job. But after all, if you have no growth, you will find it easier to step out.

If money is the reason, then nothing easier than getting out. You are really not bothered about your friends or colleagues. Because, you can be in touch with them even after you are out of the company.

If it is because of some personal reason, it is kind of easier to get out. You know you have to take that step because there is no other option. Of course you'll miss your work there, the environment, friends, colleagues, atmosphere...everything. But all said and done, you have to move on. And that makes it easier to release all things bound to you for so long in that workplace.

But on a personal front...

Reasons are numerous, probably resolutions too. But if you are planning to move on from one phase to the other, there are so many things that you keep thinking about. Self-doubt, uncertainty, unknown future, sadness at leaving behind things, hope of a better future, indecision of what to leave behind and what to take, belief in self...all feelings, emotions are in a turmoil. The road is strewn with questions that seemingly don't have any answer.

There are people to support you, all family members, friends. But when you walk along that path, you are alone.

One question keeps coming to your mind constantly...is it all worth it?

Desperately Needing A Break

Working harder than ever for the release on December 15...Getting tired of closed environments...Sick of unhealthy surroundings...Frustrated at the inertia...Wishing to create my own space...Bugged up with unasked for scenes...Desperately needing a break!

At times, life really sucks!

Responsible

When things do not work, I realise I am responsible for them. When I screw up things, I know I am responsible.

But when people don't behave well with me for no apparent reason, but just that I exist...even then am I responsible?

My one action can bring about so many changes. It has changed so many people, it has perhaps broken so many hearts...severed so many relations. Is it after all worth it? More than that...I shall always have this constant gnawing at my heart that it's all my doing.

But what really is the issue? I don't know. I cannot fathom. I cannot understand why it is so difficult to make the other person feel comfortable and loved in a group. I cannot understand why some have not bothered to include me in. Why do some people still prefer a ghetto? What's so disgusting, so bad about me that I get alienated?

Why do I not get enough power, recognition, freedom to do things? Why is everything so unhealthy? What have I done after all? I cannot understand. I cannot make head or tail of some situations.

But in all this, I do feel responsible for making a mess. Or perhaps starting a mess. It's going to be one scar, one guilty feeling that won't be ridden off.

I'm Changing

I know I'm changing.

Earlier, things affected me in a different way. Now too they affect me. But my reactions are different.

Earlier, I used to get very, very angry. Now too, I do get angry. But I do not explode as much as I did before.

Earlier, I used to feel each and every small thing was wrong. Now too I feel that. But I have stopped worrying too much about it.

Earlier, I used to be sad about people's wrong behaviour towards me. Now, I know people behave wrongly towards me. But I have stopped caring. I just say...whatever, shrug my shoulders and move on. Now I say, whatever you want, you can do. I don't care. I know what I am doing is right.

Earlier, it was difficult for me to keep quiet when people behaved wrongly, took disadvantage of me, spoke wrong things about me, never cared for me. Now I know people do all those things. But now I have stopped caring. I ignore them. I just don't say out all things. I keep quiet to avoid controversies.

It's been difficult. Damn difficult. I still get those bouts of extreme anger, unhappiness, frustration, loneliness. But I have started learning to handle it.

I guess, I am really growing up.

Letting Go Is Difficult

Of many things that I find difficult, letting go contends for the top three positions. For me, it has always been hard to forget and even harder to forgive. I have always been proud of taking care of others' feelings, not hurting them. I always think, how would I feel if I behave in a certain (incorrect) way with others. That guides me to not do something that might be hurtful for the other.

I haven't always been successful in this. But whenever I have gone wrong, I have been quick to accept my mistakes and learn from them. Learn, not to repeat them. And accept my mistakes before the person against whom I committed it. That's probably when a catharsis occurs. Helps me purge myself of the guilt. Helps me become a better person.

But when such mistakes, such callous behaviour occurs from the other side towards me, I cannot vouch for my scorpionic anger. It flares up and starts lashing out in whatever way possible, be it through speech or action. When I am hurt because of no fault of mine, I cannot comprehend the fact that I need to be balanced in my reaction. It's more because most of the times, I wouldn't have done such a thing myself. I would have taken care to behave appropriately in that situation.

I don't have double standards of behaviour. I hardly ever behave in one way with a person and in another with a person of the same level. But when I get such an imbalanced treatment, when I am considered a mere midget even when I have taken all efforts, I get doubly angry.

I hardly forget such episodes and they get etched in my memory. I perhaps give them air by revisiting them and chaffing them.

That's where I am changing. I have slowly started ignoring such things. I have started letting go of the feeling of misuse, abuse, or whatever you call it, the feeling of being left out, the feeling of no importance. It has been hard, very hard indeed. It has required tremendous self-restrain and patience. But I am learning it surely.

It's helped me overcome some of the anger in me. It has helped me calm down. It has helped me realise the futility of it all. And most important of all, it has helped me regain my righteousness. Others may behave in whatever way they want. I won't stoop to that low. But yes, don't expect me to come back to you and be friends with you.

I won't forget, I won't forgive. But I won't let such things disturb me too.

Lessons from Life!