Respecting Elders?

I had a peculiar experience a few months back. I've been wanting to write about it, but never got the time.

I had gone to a nice cake shop that I always go to. It was around 4.30-4.45 in the evening. There wasn't enough staff and a few customers were waiting to place their orders. I too was waiting patiently for my turn.

Just then an elderly lady walked in. She was very well-dressed, perfectly manicured and pedicured, wearing comfortable western wear, with a hint of mild makeup. She seemed a bit of a socialite, frankly.

The moment she entered, she blurted out her order to the first member of the staff that she laid her
eyes on. He just nodded to her and continued looking after the customers who had arrived before her. She just couldn't seem to have the patience to wait. She rudely kept on calling out her order till the staff had to tell her to wait.

She then said that the cake shop needed more staff, because they couldn't keep so many customers waiting. The staff member said that some of the other members had gone out for lunch. The old lady looked at her watch incredulously and wondered how could anybody have lunch that late.

By the time this conversation happened, my order was ready. I paid and left the shop. I don't know how soon she got her order. However it made me think.

I just could not respect that lady despite her age. She was extremely rude and inconsiderate. When I heard that some of the staff were having lunch that late, I felt very sorry for them. It was because of the customers that the staff couldn't have their lunch on time.

Instead of being accommodating, the old lady was disbelieving and rude. It hardly takes time to be generous to others. As you grow older, you learn to be less selfish and more gracious.

Can you respect the elderly even when they behave so meanly and selfishly?

Tiring World

Too much work, too many things to do. Spending a lot of time on office work. Not getting enough sleep. Too many hassles at work. Too many egos to handle. Sometimes too much expectation. At times, taking a lot of shit from people. Collaborating with people. Giving help to all. But getting back roughness! Expectations that you should take the first step (as usual) because you are smarter. That's damn tiring and disillusioning!

Because you are too helping, and  too accommodating, you are expected to change. But then you have your limits.

All this happens when release comes closer!

But it will pass soon (I hope!)

God speed!

(Boring) Long Weekend Coming Up

We have a holiday on Friday, a long weekend is coming up. It's been quite a long time since we've had a long weekend.

I had proposed if we should go for a short trip. But as usual, Sanjeev has flatly denied. He has some presentation to be given in the next week and he wants to prepare for that.

That means entire three days will be gone, sitting at home, doing nothing. I don't believe he is going to work every hour in those three days. But he just doesn't want to take the efforts of managing things properly.

And because I'll be at home all three days, I am going to get totally irritated and angry. I am not going to like it at all. I am damn sure that he won't even be ready to step out of the house for a movie or an outing. He'll just loiter around, spend time the way he wants it, and spoil my long weekend.

I know I am going to be totally bored and irritated by the time Monday comes. Once Monday's here, it will be back to work. No respite, despite having a long weekend.

Tired of these repetitive happenings!

All For Money

The other day, I had to submit some papers for insurance claims. And I made everybody work for it. In the run to submit the papers, I fretted over small things, got frustrated, made other people work for me, and ultimately felt bad about it all.

The story goes like this...My Baba was admitted to the hospital a month back due to undiagnosed fever and drug reaction. He was in the hospital for eight days. He is now fully recovered and in excellent health. Because I have paid the premium for the insurance under which he is covered, I thought of claiming the hospital bill.

I duly downloaded the form and got it filled from hospital authorities. Then I immersed myself in work, gave reasons that I had no time to call, or complete other formalities to submit the claims, and delayed the submission.

In the first week of March, I thought of calling the insurance helpline to cross-check if I had got all documents. That's when I realised a couple of things. To start with, I had filled up the wrong form. Secondly, the end date of submission was 30 days from discharge. And I was already on day 26 from discharge.

Now started the run against time! The same evening, I took a printout of the correct form and left early from office to visit the hospital to get the new form filled. As luck would have it, the TPA section had closed early that evening and I returned empty handed. That also triggered the chain of making others work for me.

I handed the form to Aai to submit it to the hospital authorities the next morning. She also had the additional task of coaxing them to fill up another form when they had already filled one before.

Fortunately, the hospital authorities filled up the form without delay and I got it back the same evening when it was submitted. To fetch the form from the hospital, Aai had sent one of her office staff.

By the time I got the form, I realised that I also had to photocopy all the medical reports. The documents had to be couriered to Bangalore the same day. I couldn't locate the Blue Dart office near my office and asked Aai to show it to me.

Just opposite the Blue Dart office, I could find a photocopier, who was copying a lot of documents for two customers who were there before me. I fretted over the lost time as I waited for my turn. Finally as I got my copies, the Blue Dart office was about to close. We stepped in and they closed down the shutters.

We finally did manage to send out the courier by 8 PM that day.

But I felt quite sad after all that. I had made a lot of people work for me to submit those docs. Especially when I had wasted time initially and not downloaded the correct form.

Was the money really worth the tension and frustration that I faced that day?

An Hour Of Drive

I got up early, cooked, cleaned, got ready, and we left for office at 9.30 a.m. on the dot. In hopes of reaching early to office, we were to meet only with disappointment.

As usual, for apparently no reason, the signal at Khadki Bazaar was not working. That affected the traffic till almost a kilometer behind. I have just not understood the reason of shutting of traffic signals and manning the traffic manually.

Why can't the right authorities understand that it just does not make sense! With one signal off, there is so much of wastage of time, money, petrol, and an overall increase in the frustration of thousands of drivers. Not to count the extra work the traffic police have to do! It's sheer madness!

And because there is already a bottleneck, everyone just wants to go before the other. No one is ready to stop, allow others to move, or follow traffic rules. Two-wheelers encroach on the footpath, pedestrians cannot walk on the roads, trucks, buses, cars just race to move ahead. Pandemonium!

So today, even after starting at 9.30 a.m., we just did not reach early. It was an hour's drive! The futility of starting early!

Desperately Needing A Break

Working harder than ever for the release on December 15...Getting tired of closed environments...Sick of unhealthy surroundings...Frustrated at the inertia...Wishing to create my own space...Bugged up with unasked for scenes...Desperately needing a break!

At times, life really sucks!

The Slap Rules

Really! What repercussions a slap can make! What sound! And yet another way for the media to make an issue of something. Anyway, the media always needs some or the other thing to talk about and to make a big deal about!

But, seriously...one slap Mr. Sharad Pawar got (which I think he certainly deserved!) and the whole country is in a uproar. Panic is everywhere as it is rumoured of riots in Pune and outskirts. I mean, c'mon people! Is it worth it? And in reality, nothing had really happened. No riots, no fights, nothing. It was pretty calm and quiet. Only a sudden rush of people to reach back home.

Ever wondered how much of time might have been wasted? How many man hours wasted because people had to leave their jobs midway? How many more hours were lost because of the traffic jams that occurred because all people had left work at the same time, creating a chaos? How many more hours wasted in front of the idiot box listening to all the crap and hue and cry of the overblown issue?

And what was the media talking about...breach of security, how Mr. Pawar was indeed wronged, how the man who slapped must have been a mad man, how he was taken into custody. Is that all? Ever wondered why he took such a step? In fact, I would like to shake the young man's hand for the daring he has shown. He has done a most worthy job that no one else could have done. He most certainly deserves a Bharat Ratna as someone mentioned!

If people did not as much blink an eye at the incidence, shouldn't we say that most felt that Mr. Pawar got what he deserved? Perhaps people really are happy about what has happened! No wonder its video became such a big hit on You Tube!

What I would like to say in all this is that let not such minor incidences ruin our routines. Such incidences will happen (more I hope so!) We can't stop living as much as we can't when our brethren are killed in bomb blasts. And certainly, this issue does not deserve the magnitude of a bomb blast. It is not at all that serious. After all, it's just a slap! And to make it such a big issue itself is more embarrassing for the receiver.

The least we can do is forget about the whole incidence and not respond to any "Bandh." Moreover, we can  only pray for more such brave men, who dare to act!

Responsible

When things do not work, I realise I am responsible for them. When I screw up things, I know I am responsible.

But when people don't behave well with me for no apparent reason, but just that I exist...even then am I responsible?

My one action can bring about so many changes. It has changed so many people, it has perhaps broken so many hearts...severed so many relations. Is it after all worth it? More than that...I shall always have this constant gnawing at my heart that it's all my doing.

But what really is the issue? I don't know. I cannot fathom. I cannot understand why it is so difficult to make the other person feel comfortable and loved in a group. I cannot understand why some have not bothered to include me in. Why do some people still prefer a ghetto? What's so disgusting, so bad about me that I get alienated?

Why do I not get enough power, recognition, freedom to do things? Why is everything so unhealthy? What have I done after all? I cannot understand. I cannot make head or tail of some situations.

But in all this, I do feel responsible for making a mess. Or perhaps starting a mess. It's going to be one scar, one guilty feeling that won't be ridden off.

I'm Changing

I know I'm changing.

Earlier, things affected me in a different way. Now too they affect me. But my reactions are different.

Earlier, I used to get very, very angry. Now too, I do get angry. But I do not explode as much as I did before.

Earlier, I used to feel each and every small thing was wrong. Now too I feel that. But I have stopped worrying too much about it.

Earlier, I used to be sad about people's wrong behaviour towards me. Now, I know people behave wrongly towards me. But I have stopped caring. I just say...whatever, shrug my shoulders and move on. Now I say, whatever you want, you can do. I don't care. I know what I am doing is right.

Earlier, it was difficult for me to keep quiet when people behaved wrongly, took disadvantage of me, spoke wrong things about me, never cared for me. Now I know people do all those things. But now I have stopped caring. I ignore them. I just don't say out all things. I keep quiet to avoid controversies.

It's been difficult. Damn difficult. I still get those bouts of extreme anger, unhappiness, frustration, loneliness. But I have started learning to handle it.

I guess, I am really growing up.

Things Won't Change

How much ever I try, how much ever I myself change, things won't change.

People won't change. They'll expect the same things over and over from me. They'll expect that I do whatever they feel is correct. Yet, they won't see my point of view. Moreover, in spite of me doing things that are supposed to be done, I am blamed for not doing them. Forgive the ambiguity, but I cannot be clearer than this in this post.

When it's time to work, time for efforts, I am remembered. But when it is time for fun, for exchanging information, I am conveniently forgotten. I am accused of not interacting well with others. I am accused of not consulting others when taking decisions! Ohh thank you very much! It's as if I do not have an existence of my own and that I should be asking permissions forever about each and every small thing. Am I a kid?

I am never consulted when things are decided directly! Then why now? Ohhh...of course! I don't do my duty towards them. When you expect me to do something, do you realise that I do not get the opportunity to do that? I won't be able to do anything if people don't want me to. What's the point in blaming me then?

Self-centered, hypocrites all are. Double-standard folks. They'll behave in one way when it's convenient, and another way when that's convenient. Then of course, blame me for every thing wrong in the world.

It's so easy to just dishonour me before everyone. Really good for their image. It helps to show how good they are, and how useless and inconsiderate I am.

I am really tired of exerting myself to make things better. Things will never be better because others will never take the efforts, nor will they appreciate my efforts.

What's the solution to this? Nothing that I have found. Just keep on saying Fine! Life is absolutely fine!!!

Letting Go Is Difficult

Of many things that I find difficult, letting go contends for the top three positions. For me, it has always been hard to forget and even harder to forgive. I have always been proud of taking care of others' feelings, not hurting them. I always think, how would I feel if I behave in a certain (incorrect) way with others. That guides me to not do something that might be hurtful for the other.

I haven't always been successful in this. But whenever I have gone wrong, I have been quick to accept my mistakes and learn from them. Learn, not to repeat them. And accept my mistakes before the person against whom I committed it. That's probably when a catharsis occurs. Helps me purge myself of the guilt. Helps me become a better person.

But when such mistakes, such callous behaviour occurs from the other side towards me, I cannot vouch for my scorpionic anger. It flares up and starts lashing out in whatever way possible, be it through speech or action. When I am hurt because of no fault of mine, I cannot comprehend the fact that I need to be balanced in my reaction. It's more because most of the times, I wouldn't have done such a thing myself. I would have taken care to behave appropriately in that situation.

I don't have double standards of behaviour. I hardly ever behave in one way with a person and in another with a person of the same level. But when I get such an imbalanced treatment, when I am considered a mere midget even when I have taken all efforts, I get doubly angry.

I hardly forget such episodes and they get etched in my memory. I perhaps give them air by revisiting them and chaffing them.

That's where I am changing. I have slowly started ignoring such things. I have started letting go of the feeling of misuse, abuse, or whatever you call it, the feeling of being left out, the feeling of no importance. It has been hard, very hard indeed. It has required tremendous self-restrain and patience. But I am learning it surely.

It's helped me overcome some of the anger in me. It has helped me calm down. It has helped me realise the futility of it all. And most important of all, it has helped me regain my righteousness. Others may behave in whatever way they want. I won't stoop to that low. But yes, don't expect me to come back to you and be friends with you.

I won't forget, I won't forgive. But I won't let such things disturb me too.

Lessons from Life!

Saturday Is Here...

...and I am downright sad. I am no longer looking forward to it. I really wish I had an Invisibility Cloak, or perhaps a spell to befuddle people. I am tired of obligations!

(Wo)Man Is (Wo)Man's Own Enemy

Today, I am thoroughly ashamed of this woman called Pauline Nyiramasuhuko. She has been convicted of genocide, war crimes, and crime against humanity, including rape. And to top it all, she was Rwanda's former Minister for Family Welfare and the Advancement of Women! Disgusting!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/rwanda/8597001/Genocide-court-jails-female-Rwandan-former-minister-for-life.html

She has been sentenced to a term of life imprisonment and is not eligible to apply for parole for the next 25 years. Pauline, who is 65, was also found guilty of inciting rape at the UN-backed International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda, which is prosecuting those accused of orchestrating the killings of more than 8,00,000 people in Rwanda in 1994. Her son, Arsene Ntahobali, a former militia leader, is also found to be guilty. He has been sentenced to a term of life imprisonment, with no possibility of parole.

I am shocked that a woman was involved in the genocide and extermination of the Tutsi minority in Rwanda, and of rape. What had got into her? She has behaved like a modern Hitler.

I am not sure if the punishment meted out to her is justified, enough, or even less. But I would like to go from this world without seeing any more such Paulines!

Ennui

It happens once a while. Extreme boredom. Nothing helps. Rather, nothing you do seems to drive away your boredom. Visiting friends does not help. Visiting relatives is doubly taxing. Routine tasks and jobs are tedious and shackling.

It's an overall feeling of dullness and low esteem. And obviously, the reason is unknown.

I am trying to think of some remedies: shopping, movies, pizza party, (re)newed exercise regime, two-days trip, or best, going underground. Let me see if any (or all) might work.

Hazards Of Being Married

• Your status (finally?) changes. You are now supposed to appear in all Haldi-Kumkum functions.
• If your husband works in your office, your colleagues will suddenly be too much interested in him, as if he is an item on display. If he is a calm and quiet guy, your frustration and irritation with your colleagues won't rise to alarming levels.
• Every new relative, neighbour, acquaintance wants to know "Amchya kade kadhi yenaar??" It's as if we have got married to do just that...visit them.
• The time between a Friday and the following Monday contracts drastically. When you do realise it was a weekend, you are practically staring at 11 p.m. in the clock on Sunday.
• You learn all rules of room sharing, right from finding clothes all over the place, to books, papers, and trash too.
• Your relatives are easily ignored. Now your "family" means your in-laws and other relatives on your husband's side.
• You gain new immunity to things. You are now supposed to like things that you might have hated before being married, because your in-laws and husband likes them.
• You suddenly find yourself having no time for yourself. Most of it is gone in office, with your man, or then with the in-laws. Only at 11.30 at night will you then realise that another day is gone again without you even touching your favourite book, forget about reading it.
• TV, TV remote, and your favourite programmes might become alien things for you. You might even forget how to use the TV and its remote.
• You might also forget what hobbies are and what you did in your pastime. Because after all, you won't get time to pursue your hobbies.

Disadvantages Of A House In Town

...are many. The worst is, you'll have enough guests to last for a lifetime.

If your house is located in the heart of a city, I empathise with you. I know the pain. In spite of finding every other place in the city close to your place, you would still wish that your place was in the middle of a nice lake full of sharks or crocodiles who wouldn't allow anyone else to pass through the lake.

Why can't people just stay put at their own place? Why do they have to visit us every month, with every spell being of fifteen days. Why can't they mind their own business and not bother us?

With guests almost every weekend, I really wish I was staying away from where I stay right now. And I wish people would stop considering our place as a come-and-go-whenever-you-want abode.

We need peace. We need privacy. We want to be left alone! Wishful thinking, I know!

Prayers For A Brave Hero

He has got a bullet in his stomach, and he needs several operations to get back to normal. It's already some days now and the bullet is still inside him.

This brave hero was hit in the stomach with a bullet by the "you-know-whos." He was found after 12 hours with a bullet inside him. It's a wonder that he is still alive! His stomach, small intestine, large intestine are all affected and are in dangerous conditions. The liver is damaged! But not his spirit!!

He is still fighting for his life, living each day bravely. Every new operation is going to be a new test.

I want him to recover from this ordeal. I want him to be hale and hearty like he always was.

I don't want him to succumb to his injuries like other soldiers have.

I am praying constantly for his recovery! Lieutenant, we are there for you! Wishing you a speedy recovery, Brave Hero! We salute your bravery! Don't leave us!

Hukum Mere Aka!

I really, really wish I had a Genie who would say this every time I wanted something! Seriously!

I am now even fed up of being fed up and disgruntled when things don't just happen as per my wish. I am now tired of expecting something as per my wish everyday. I am exhausted of wishing to have carefree and guest-free weekends. I have lost hope of not having folks around who are not selfish and who care for their happiness alone. I am done with waiting forever for things to happen. I have had enough of entertaining people just because it's my "duty." I am sick of having my life ordained for me where I have no say at all.

Basically, at the moment, I am just sick to death of everything and everyone. Don't tell I didn't warn you! I won't be responsible if I misbehave with anyone.

I-Want-To-Stay-Away-From-All-Relatives Fever

These days, I am suffering from this terrible fever. It's going on for the past one month. And I know it's going to stay for another couple of months at least.

It's acute symptoms are listlessness, getting bored when with relatives, finding reasons to avoid meeting relatives, staying out of home when relatives are expected home, staying back in office even when you have no work just to avoid relatives.

This fever is unfortunately not contagious. How much ever you wish that your relatives would catch this disease, they never do so. In fact, it has a curious reaction on your relatives. When you are suffering from this fever acutely, that's the exact time when they suffer from "We-Are-Coming-To-Stay-At-Your-Place" illness or the "You-Have-Not-Visited-Us-In-A-Long-Time" sickness, or even the "Why-Don't-You-Drop-By-Today-At-Our-Place?" malady.

Mind you, these are bound to increase your fever and I suggest you take precautions to avoid suffering the effects of these different diseases when you are already suffering from the fever.

Some options you can consider to ward off kinsmen are:

• Going underground and untraceable for quite some time.
• Spreading the word that you are suffering from swine flu.
• Showing off that you are so busy in office that you don't have time even for yourself.
• Going off on vacation and never informing when you are returning or when you have returned.

Note: Please let me know if you have tested and tried any other options with success.

The Rapid Questions Round

It is a truth universally accepted in the Indian society that a single girl, who is working, and is from a well-to-do family must be in want of a husband. Then that would-be husband and his family have all rights to ask whatever uncensored questions they want, in front of everyone. Questions could be as follows:

• What are your hobbies?
• Can you cook?
• Do you like non-vegetarian food?
• Do you like to listen to music?
• Would you mind if you have to move out of your city? (Nobody bothers to ask what she would do about her job then.)
• Do you wear saris? Do you like wearing saris? Do you have a collection of saris?

Did I tell you that these are standard questions? A recently introduced question, that will make your heads turn is:

Have you put on weight recently?

And they might sometimes forget to ask these questions:

• Can you walk?
• Can you talk?
• Are you human?

But don't worry. Every girl eventually gets used to being asked all these questions. She also learns to answer them tactfully. Of course, when they are asked for the first time, the girl will be angry, flustered, irritated, and not to say flabbergasted. She will then learn that the greatest "virtues" of being a girl are patience and self-control. She will learn that she has to control herself so that she does not walk out on the folks who ask these questions, or worse, slap them hard.

This experience is very necessary to learn the role of being a good "wife." Unless she passes in this test, she is not accepted as "marriage" stuff.

So gals out there thinking of getting married soon, remember, be patient and practise self-control. Because those virtues are your ticket to wifeydom, nothing short of martyrdom.