Sunday, July 14, 2013

Letting Bygones Be Bygones

In a budding relationship, with all the trust, love, and faith you have in the other person, it is necessary to let bygones be bygones.

Whether you are in office, with acquaintances, with your family and loved ones, you cannot build on hostile feelings. You need to sit back one day and try and understand what is really holding you up.

When in office, you may come across some of your colleagues with whom you are not comfortable. Yet you need to work along with them. Sometimes, it is much easy to ignore the little quirks that may irritate you as long as the work is done. You can easily do that, because after all, it's for a short time that you are together with that person.

Eventually, you get used to the person and the whims and fancies. You come to accept the person as he or she is until your work is getting done and until that person is not a real hindrance to your job, position, and progress. If someone is a hindrance, dealing with that person is an entirely different story.

But on a personal level, what do you do? When a person irritates you, gets on your nerves, and does not let you be, what can you do?

Sometimes, it's best to ignore. But, it certainly is not easy to ignore and let go. Then at times, you don't know how to deal with a person who cannot understand you, is really self-centered, doesn't give you the required space, cannot understand your point of view, is obstinate, and has entirely different goals.

That's the time when you sit down and make each other understand what the goals are. The short-term goals and the long-term ones too. It is time to sit down and clarify things, make each other understand what you like, what you don't.

Mind you, it's not easy to see through somebody else's point of view. Most of the times, the person who has felt dejected, unloved, and lonely will feel themselves to be martyrs. And for you, that person may seem to be the culprit for all the wrong things that have happened.

You wouldn't be able to forget the smaller fights, the real big fights, and the hurt that has been caused because of being headstrong, stubborn, and unhelpful.

That's when you need to keep patience. Handle each situation very, very delicately. Put forth your points, your ideas in a way that will help the other person see your perspective. The other person may not believe in your perspective, but will at least understand that, finally, that is what your feel. And the most important factor in all this is not to keep reminding oneself of all the fights and hurt in the past. For some time at least, you must keep them away. Keep them on the back burner.

You may want to pick on them again when the issues at hand are resolved. But it is extremely important that at the time when you are trying to patch up things, you let bygones be bygones. Slowly and surely, the soreness, the feeling of being hurt and unhappy fades away. A real understanding between each other develops. That's when peace will return!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Just A Small Gesture Made All The Difference

It was a Saturday and the roads were quite busy. We were on bike and there was a small truck ahead of us.
We were trying to overtake the truck when the cleaner who sits on the left signalled us to wait before overtaking. Sanjeev patiently waited till he signalled back that we could now overtake the truck.

As we passed the truck, Sanjeev waved to him. He smiled a big smile. I waved back too. And the way he smiled was so beautiful.

All along the way, he had been guiding other vehicles, allowing them to overtake, or signalling them to wait their turn. He was an old man, with missing teeth, unshaven face, and yet with a beautiful smile.

We both waving to him was such a wonderful thing. He smiled a smile that brought tears in my eyes. He was so happy to be acknowledged for the small work that he was doing. Perhaps for him it was nothing extraordinary. But to get attention for your routine work, to be acknowledged and thanked for that, was great for him. His face expressed the sincerity and truthfulness that he had. His old, wrinkled face that was full of the wisdom of so many years exuded the childlike joy that he felt when we acknowledged him.

When he waved back, it was just like waving back to his own kids, and giving them that lovely smile that makes your heart jump with joy.

Just a small effort from us was needed to make that man feel happy and loved and acknowledged. Perhaps he will remember us some day, perhaps he won't. But I will always remember that old man's blissful face. I will remember how it seemed like he was blessing when he waved back to us.

The man was certainly old, but I do wish that in the remainder of his life, he stays happy.

Just one gesture makes so much of difference in the world. World is beautiful! Let's try and make it more beautiful!