Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Review: The Golden Notebook

I admit, I took up the novel, The Golden Notebook only after reading about Doris Lessing's death. And I
have a feeling that that must have happened for such other writers too.

I started the 500 plus pages novel with some trepidation. It's been awarded the Nobel Award for Literature and I was sure it was going to be a bit deep and difficult to understand. I was also not sure how soon I would be able to complete it. Moreover, the synopsis promised to be intriguing and and frankly a bit tedious and complicated.

I had expected the novel to be a commentary on life, how people lived in the 1950s. And perhaps it is. But I just could not relate to it. Let me get into the details.

The story is about Anna Wulf. But the way the novel starts, I thought it was about Molly. It starts with Molly, her son Tommy, and her ex-husband Richard. The initial part is focused on these characters and it's only when Anna goes back home after visiting Molly (when the story begins) did I realize that it was Anna the protagonist, not Molly.

Anna is a single-novel writer whose first novel has earned tremendous success. She is living off the royalties of the book. She is a divorced single mother of a twelve year old girl, Janet. She has a huge flat and rents out the upper room to people. Ivor, Ronnie, and the last one Saul Green are a part of the story and affect Anna's live in a peculiar way.

The novel is divided in different parts called "The Notebooks" and "The Free Women". There's one part called "The Golden Notebook" about which I will try to talk about later. The "Notebook" parts are the diaries that Anna maintains, four of them. Red, blue, yellow, and black. Frankly, I still haven't understood why four of them, and what each one contains.

The dairies are full of her nostalgia for the life that she spent in Africa, especially the hotel in Mashopi. Later they move on to minute details of her day to day life, dealings with her renters, Molly, Janet, her boyfriend(s), and her work. I got tired after a point. It was too much details and too many things. Anna keeps on talking about the same things again and again and it becomes tedious and frustrating.

The "Free Women" parts are third-person narratives of what is actually happening with their lives. That was much more interesting that Anna's diaries.

I haven't understood what Doris achieved by this novel. Perhaps she didn't want to achieve anything at all. She was trying out a new form of writing. But then, why write so much then, over 500 pages?

I couldn't understand Anna. She just goes on living each day without doing anything...she just writes in her diaries, feels depressed all the time, is nervous and is always waiting for her boyfriend. She cooks for him, goes grocery shopping, reads newspapers, and overall just stays put in her flat. I wonder if this really was the life of women in the 1950s. It's no wonder that Anna feels depressed and lonely.

Molly and Anna call themselves "free women". But always are they talking about men, sex, affairs, and overall waiting for love to happen. Are they really free then? Anna especially seems a psychotic woman, who cannot live in the present but in her past and in her wild thoughts of nervousness and jealousy. It is a rather disturbing character.

I didn't like Doris's language too. There are just too many words. I haven't liked her style where the adjectives she uses to describe people, events, objects are really her own thoughts. She wants the readers to feel the same feeling and emotion that she has felt. It's like she spells out what you must feel as you read, no space for interpretation. Her words are very strong and overwhelming.

Doris has repeated the same story again and again in the novel. Anna writes a story that reflects her relationship with Molly. It is not hard to see the similarities and I kept wondering what's the need of the double stories. I still haven't understood why so many layers to tell the same story repeatedly. Or I am a dumbo and cannot understand the depth of the novel.

The synopsis says that the "The Golden Notebook" is what will help Anna to recovery. But when I read it, I got more confused. I am now not sure whether the part about Saul Green should be taken as the events that really happened in Anna's life or whether it's a story that Anna writes. If it's a story, then Anna doesn't need a recovery. She is fine already. If it's real, then it's Anna who needs to see a doc to get out of the mental mess.

Doris's language is very strong and at times weird. I felt at a loss with her punctuation and writing style. Pages and pages of a single paragraph. it took my breath away to finish one paragraph. It would have been so easy to break down the words in different paragraphs. But perhaps I am speaking from the point of view of minimalism. (My profession comes in between my understanding of Doris's writing style.) And she has used sentences such as this: "However." Now what does that mean? I really could not get it.

Overall, I heaved a sigh of relief that the novel was finally over. I really had high expectations from it because it won the Nobel. But to tell the truth, I was disappointed.

Does such writing get Nobel? Then why not the essays that we wrote during our graduation and post graduation? May be because the essays we wrote were too simple to understand and did not contain any reference to communism!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Change Of Status

It's been months and months since I have posted here. The last one was in October when I was staying at my mom's place. Now so many things have changed.

I have now moved to a place closer to office, staying apart from in-laws. It was such fun to set up my own place, decide where to put what, buy the required utensils, and generally manage the household. It definitely is a job to keep a tab on all things in the house: grocery, washing, cleaning, changing of bed linen, ensuring guests have the required things, bathrooms are cleaned, maids are kept in check, monthly expenses are monitored. But I love doing all this and enjoy it immensely.

Being closer to office means I don't have to travel a lot. It also means that Sanjeev can pop up home earlier and whenever required.

Having my own place means my relatives and my parents can visit me without inhibition. I can do whatever I can, place things the way I want them, and generally be the queen of the hive. :)

But most importantly, what has changed is my status. In April, I was blessed with a beautiful daughter. I am now not only a wife, but also a mother. And that makes all the difference.

My daughter - Mahika is two months old now. And these days have gone in a whiz. My mother still works, so she could come and support me only for some time. Now I am alone managing a two-month old baby and the entire household. It is tiring, trying, and frustrating at times. But it is fun.

I am on maternity leave now. After few more months, I'll start working again. I don't know how my daughter will cope up with that or how she will react. There's still some time for that.

But the new status of motherhood is a lot of things. It definitely is fun. But it is also a big responsibility. As a mother, I need to take care of so many things for the baby. Playing with the baby, feeding, nursing, bathing, nappy changing, all those things are obviously there. But what comes naturally is the unconditional love that is showered on the baby. Even with the sleepless nights, frustrating times, and constant attention that the baby requires, one look at the baby and you know you can do anything for it.

So far, things have gone well. I am sure I'll enjoy it more as Mahika grows. Sanjeev and I are both tremendously happy that we have a daughter. Now, it's impossible to think of a world without her. Bless you Mahika!

Sunday, October 27, 2013

मांजर

गेल्या  आठवड्यात, मी आणि संजीव जेवायला गेलो रात्री बाहेर. तसा उशीर झाला होता. गप्पा आणि जेवण होई पर्यंत रात्रीचे अकरा वाजले. हॉटेल मधून बाहेर पडलो तेव्हा नेहेमी सारखे valet पार्किंग करता दिलेली गाडीची किल्ली मिळाली आणि आम्ही गाडीच्या दिशेने चालायला लागलो.

जेवण छानच झाले होते, त्यात गप्पा पण भरपूर झाल्या होत्या. एकंदरीत तृप्त वातावरणात घरी जायच्या विचारात आम्ही होतो.

तितक्यात छोट्या मांजरीच्या पिल्लाचा आवाज आला. मी आजूबाजूला बघून आवाज कोठून येत आहे ह्याचा शोध घ्यायला सुरु केला, पण काही केल्या मांजर दिसेना. संजीवने गाडी पार्किंग मधून काढण्यास सुरु केली, आणि अचानक मला ते पिल्लू आमच्याच गाडीच्या खालून ओरडत आहे असे लक्षात आले.

मी संजीवला सांगितले गाडी हळूच मागे घ्यायला जेणे करून ते पिल्लू आपोआप मागे राहील आणि गाडीच्या खालून बाहेर पडेल. पण पिल्लू इरसाल निघालं. जशी गाडी मागे जात होती, तसं ते अजून पुढे-पुढे जात होत. पिल्लाला काही गाडीच्या खालून बाहेर पडायचं नव्हतं.

आता आली का पंचाईत! आमची गाडी रस्त्याच्या मधोमध तिरकी, त्यात चालक बसलेला. गाडी सुरु होती, पण गाडी ना पुढे नेता येत, ना मागे.

पार्किंग attendant च्या लक्षात आले काही तरी गडबड आहे, म्हणून तो आला विचारायला. त्याला सांगितले की गाडी खाली मांजर आहे. तो प्रयत्न करू लागला पिल्लाला हुस्कावायला. पण पिल्लू हुशार निघालं. एक माणूस आपल्याला आपल्या लपायच्या जागेतून बाहेर काढत आहे ते त्याला समजलं. त्याने अजून एक युक्ती केली. पुढच्या चाकावर जाऊन बसलं. attendant  अजूनही "छुत छुत" करून पिल्लाला हाकलायचा प्रयत्न करत होता.

मांजर आता चाकावर बसल्याने गाडीला हलवणे अशक्य झाले होते. गाडी रस्त्यात तिरकी बंद पडलेली दिसते, काही मदत लागत आहे का बघावी ह्या उद्देशाने एका बाईक वरून दोघे जण गाडीजवळ आले.

"गाडी बंद पडली आहे का? काही मदत करू का?" अशी विचारपूस केली.

"अहो, बंद नाही पडलेली. चाकावर मांजर शिरून बसलंय. हालातच नाहीये"

"काय?! चाकावर मांजर कसं काय चढलं?"

"गाडीखाली लपलं होतं. बाहेर काढत होतो आम्ही, तर चाकावर चढून बसलं."

हा संवाद चालू असताना पिल्लाने अजून एक पराक्रम केला. चाकावरून चक्क आत bonnet मधेच शिरलं. गाडीचं  इंजिन चालू होतंच, मस्त गरम-गरम ऊबदार ठिकाणी बसायची जागा पटकावली. आता मात्र हद्द झाली! आता पिल्लाला बाहेर काढायचं कसं?

एका बाजूला हा गोंधळ सुरु होता तर नेमकं त्याच वेळेस संजीवच्या ऑफिस मधली एक मैत्रीण तिच्या होणाऱ्या नवऱ्याबरोबर त्याच हॉटेलच्या बाहेर उभी असलेली संजीवने बघितली. तिचे पण लक्ष गेले तर ती आली आमच्याशी बोलायला. तिच्या होणाऱ्या नवऱ्याची ओळख करून देऊ लागली.

माझे तर काही लक्षच नव्हते तिच्या बोलण्याकडे. ओळख करून दिली तिने तसं "hi" वगैरे बोलून झालं. पण चिंता होती की ते पिल्लू बाहेर काढायचं कसं. ज्या वेळेस ओळख करून देणं  चालू होतं, त्या वेळेस आमच्या गाडीच्या bonnet  मध्ये चार अनोळखी लोकांची डोकी खुपसून मांजरीला शोधणे सुरु होते.

आता ह्या चार डोक्यांमध्ये आतून आलेला वेटर पण शामिल झाला. एका माणसाने त्याच्या मोबाईलचा flash light चालू केला.

"अरे, ती बघा तिथे आहे, दिसली का?"

"कुठे?"

"तिथे खोपच्यात बसली आहे."

"हां, हां, दिसली. हात जातोय का बघ ना."

"इंजिन गरम आहे. आणि जागा नाहीये हात घालायला."

तेव्हड्यात कोणीतरी खराट्याच्या दोन काड्या आणल्या. bonnet मध्ये घालून, मांजरीला हुसकावण्याचा प्रयत्न करत होते. पण काही केल्या पिल्लू बाहेर येईना. अखंड "म्याव म्याव" चालूच होतं.

सगळा गोंधळ बघून मैत्रिणीचा आणि तिच्या होणाऱ्या नवऱ्याचा प्रश्न, "गाडी बंद पडली आहे का? मेकानिक ला बोलवायचा का? अर्ध्या तासात येईल मदत."

"अहो, गाडी ठीक आहे. गाडीला काही नाही झालेलं. bonnet मध्ये मांजर शिरली आहे."

"मांजर कशी काय शिरली? रिट्झ गाडी मध्ये शिरते माहित होतं, पण तुमच्या असल्या गाडीत पण शिरेल वाटलं  नव्हतं."

"आता माहित झालं ना!" मी माझ्या मनात म्हटलं.

तेवढ्यात कोणाच्या डोक्यात कल्पना सुचली माहित नाही, पण कोणी तरी पाण्याची बादली घेऊन आलं. मोबाईलच्या flash light च्या अंधुक प्रकाशात नेमकी मांजर कुठे बसली आहे ह्याचा अंदाज घेऊन पाणी ओतलं गेलं. तसं त्या पिल्लाने बचावात्मक पवित्रा घेऊन bonnet मधून बाहेर पडण्याचा निर्णय घेतला. पण पूर्णपणे बाहेर न येता, पुन्हा एकदा चाकावर बसण्यास पसंती दिली.

"निघाली, निघाली! गाडी खाली दिसत आहे का?"

"नाही खाली नाही आली अजुन."

"मग आवाज कुठून येत आहे?"

"अरे ही बघा, परत चाकावर बसली आहे."

"अरे घाल बिनधास्त हात. पिल्लाला काय घाबरतोस! चाकावर आहे तर पकडून काढ बाहेर!" असा सल्ला देणाऱ्या गृहस्थाच्या मित्राने शेवटी हिम्मत करून, चाकावर नखाने घट्ट पकडून बसलेल्या, बिथरलेल्या, बिचाऱ्या पिल्लाला सुखरूप बाहेर काढले आणि आम्ही सुटकेचा निःश्वास टाकला!

वीस मिनिटे चाललेल्या नाटकाचा अंत शेवटी आम्ही सगळ्या अनोळखी लोकांच्या आभार प्रदर्शनाने केला. म्हणजे प्रसंग असा होता की गाडी आमची, पण आम्ही काहीही करू शकलो नाही. बाकीच्याच सर्व लोकांनी अथक प्रयत्न करून पिल्लाला तर वाचवलेच, पण आमची पण सुटका केली.

मांजर हे कुठे कुठे शिरू शकतं हे त्या दिवशी मला उमगले. 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

रात्रीचे भजन

काल जन्माष्टमी. मुरली मनोहराचा आगमनाचा दिवस. खरं तर रात्र. रात्री झालेला जन्म आपल्या कृष्णाचा.
ह्या शुभ रात्री शेजारच्या मारुतीच्या देवळात रात्री साधारण दहाच्या सुमारास भजन सुरु झाले. रात्री श्रीकृष्णाचा जन्म होई पर्यंत चालू असावे.

असावे म्हणाले कारण मला भजन संपायच्या आधीच झोप लागली. खूप शांत झोप. कित्येक वर्षांत भजन ऐकता-ऐकता झोपण्याचे भाग्य लाभले नव्हते. ते काल रात्री जमले.

खरे तर भजन म्हणणाऱ्या लोकांचे आवाज काही खूप खास नव्हते. पण तरीही खूप तन्मयतेने भजन चालू होते. टाळ-मृदुंग, आणि हरी नामाचा जप ह्याने आसमंत दुमदुमून गेला होता. हवेतील कुंद गारवा भजनाचे आवाज दश-दिशांना घुमवत होता.

मला आठवण झाली काही वर्षांपूर्वीची. आमच्या घराजवळच्या मारुतीच्या मंदिरात दररोज रात्री भजन होत असे. तेव्हा रात्री झोपताना भजनाचे हलके स्वर आणि टाळ. खूप आल्हादायक वातावरण व्हायचे. तेच काल रात्री अनुभवायला मिळाले.

आज-काल भजन पण ओघानेच ऐकायला मिळते. गावा-पाड्यात अजून होत असतील रात्रीची. पण शहरात अभावानेच.

भजनाकरिता काही सुरेख आवाज असण्याची गरज नाही. मनात भाव असला की ते थेट अंतःकरणात भिडते. म्हणूनच भजन म्हणायला कोणी "Indian Idols" लागत नाहीत. भोळे-भाबडे, कष्टकरी लोक जमवले की झाले.

थोड्याच वर्षांमध्ये आपले म्हातारे-कोतारे लोके पण नाहीशी होतील, तेव्हा भजन म्हणजे काय हे सुद्धा
सांगणारे उरणार नाहीत. तोवर आपण भजनाच्या रंगी रंगून जाऊयात. 

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Letting Bygones Be Bygones

In a budding relationship, with all the trust, love, and faith you have in the other person, it is necessary to let bygones be bygones.

Whether you are in office, with acquaintances, with your family and loved ones, you cannot build on hostile feelings. You need to sit back one day and try and understand what is really holding you up.

When in office, you may come across some of your colleagues with whom you are not comfortable. Yet you need to work along with them. Sometimes, it is much easy to ignore the little quirks that may irritate you as long as the work is done. You can easily do that, because after all, it's for a short time that you are together with that person.

Eventually, you get used to the person and the whims and fancies. You come to accept the person as he or she is until your work is getting done and until that person is not a real hindrance to your job, position, and progress. If someone is a hindrance, dealing with that person is an entirely different story.

But on a personal level, what do you do? When a person irritates you, gets on your nerves, and does not let you be, what can you do?

Sometimes, it's best to ignore. But, it certainly is not easy to ignore and let go. Then at times, you don't know how to deal with a person who cannot understand you, is really self-centered, doesn't give you the required space, cannot understand your point of view, is obstinate, and has entirely different goals.

That's the time when you sit down and make each other understand what the goals are. The short-term goals and the long-term ones too. It is time to sit down and clarify things, make each other understand what you like, what you don't.

Mind you, it's not easy to see through somebody else's point of view. Most of the times, the person who has felt dejected, unloved, and lonely will feel themselves to be martyrs. And for you, that person may seem to be the culprit for all the wrong things that have happened.

You wouldn't be able to forget the smaller fights, the real big fights, and the hurt that has been caused because of being headstrong, stubborn, and unhelpful.

That's when you need to keep patience. Handle each situation very, very delicately. Put forth your points, your ideas in a way that will help the other person see your perspective. The other person may not believe in your perspective, but will at least understand that, finally, that is what your feel. And the most important factor in all this is not to keep reminding oneself of all the fights and hurt in the past. For some time at least, you must keep them away. Keep them on the back burner.

You may want to pick on them again when the issues at hand are resolved. But it is extremely important that at the time when you are trying to patch up things, you let bygones be bygones. Slowly and surely, the soreness, the feeling of being hurt and unhappy fades away. A real understanding between each other develops. That's when peace will return!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Just A Small Gesture Made All The Difference

It was a Saturday and the roads were quite busy. We were on bike and there was a small truck ahead of us.
We were trying to overtake the truck when the cleaner who sits on the left signalled us to wait before overtaking. Sanjeev patiently waited till he signalled back that we could now overtake the truck.

As we passed the truck, Sanjeev waved to him. He smiled a big smile. I waved back too. And the way he smiled was so beautiful.

All along the way, he had been guiding other vehicles, allowing them to overtake, or signalling them to wait their turn. He was an old man, with missing teeth, unshaven face, and yet with a beautiful smile.

We both waving to him was such a wonderful thing. He smiled a smile that brought tears in my eyes. He was so happy to be acknowledged for the small work that he was doing. Perhaps for him it was nothing extraordinary. But to get attention for your routine work, to be acknowledged and thanked for that, was great for him. His face expressed the sincerity and truthfulness that he had. His old, wrinkled face that was full of the wisdom of so many years exuded the childlike joy that he felt when we acknowledged him.

When he waved back, it was just like waving back to his own kids, and giving them that lovely smile that makes your heart jump with joy.

Just a small effort from us was needed to make that man feel happy and loved and acknowledged. Perhaps he will remember us some day, perhaps he won't. But I will always remember that old man's blissful face. I will remember how it seemed like he was blessing when he waved back to us.

The man was certainly old, but I do wish that in the remainder of his life, he stays happy.

Just one gesture makes so much of difference in the world. World is beautiful! Let's try and make it more beautiful!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

What Is Important In Life?

That's the question that we should ask when we are in a crisis-like situation. Or in a situation where there are multiple problems and you cannot figure out where exactly you should start.

At any given point of time in our life, we face multiple problems. (Un)luckily, our life is not so simple to give us one problem at a time and give the solution to it. When problems come in, they come in hordes. And we have to deal with each one of them. There's no escaping.

Escaping is really what we ought never to do. Not looking at the problem at all, ignoring it and willing it to be resolved by itself is something that is never going to happen. Remember that unless you take efforts, your problem is not going to solve.

When you know there are issues among people, and if you keep on ignoring them, thinking that if you ignore them, the issues will cease to exist, you are totally mistaken. Not only will those problems never be solved, but they will aggravate. And you alone will be responsible for that.

Agreed that most issues, problems, hurdles are not so simple! Life never has been. But you have to deal with them. At times, you just need to accept the facts. Facts that are as difficult to digest, that are sometimes painful, and not the ideal situation that you had hoped for. That's when you need to understand that things cannot change. Too much water has gone under the bridge and things haven't been as you had expected them. And how much ever you try, situations are not going to smoothen out.

That's the cue for you to sit back and think. Take some time out to introspect. Think what is of the most importance to you at that moment? What will make the situation better? What solution can you find that's going to make things work out? Or at least marginally better? Would you need to compromise on some things? If you would need to, are they worth it?

In all this, make sure of finding out that one goal towards which you are working at that moment in your life. It could be as simple as changing your job for better opportunities, finding a new place to live, getting married, moving to a different city, and so on. Think whether the situation that has arisen is hampering you from achieving your goal. If it is, you must take the necessary steps.

Remember, do not back out from doing the right thing. It needs great courage to do the right thing. Not just for everybody, but most importantly for your own self. Never refrain from doing the right thing because of fear!

Face it up front, fight it out. You might as well go down fighting, than be down and out for ever! And never give up too!

Those Pesky Household Chores

Ten o' clock at night and I just finished sending the last email of the day. The dinner is done, and the kid is about to go to bed. ...